It took me
some time to appreciate the dark color…very trendy, more practical for
sure. The newness was the allure. I like new.
It may be one of my greatest weaknesses…a new car. I actually get restless every four years or
so and begin noticing styles as I drive, my appetite growing. And then the justification begins.
Need can be honest
but also misunderstood. What is luxury
to one may be essential to another.
Yearning to be satisfied with need, but drawn by the want, the pros and
cons begin listing. Yes, I bought my
last vehicle on want…sporty, fast, zippy, fun.
Never mind that the back seat
exists but not functional for most adults.
Never mind that the trunk storage is cute but holds…well, not much! Never mind that my husband cannot comfortably
drive it, but then he has that big SUV, doesn’t he?
So, the hunt
begins for a more practical, sharable vehicle for the two of us…another
SUV. And the perks of new electronics,
more buttons and whistles call my name.
Spending endless time researching online, visiting and driving vehicles,
talking and considering and driving and talking. My husband supporting me in whatever I
choose, my mind reeling from stats and reviews, I realize that my reluctance to
make a decision may be coming from a different source.
The
selfishness of want is astounding and certainly does not mesh with my spiritual
growth. It staggers me to realize how
selfish I can still sometimes be, how quickly I attempt to take control of my
life without consulting the only One who is in control!
With relief,
I voiced my decision last night to not pursue a trade at this time. My loving husband accepted it without
question, ready to go or stay with whatever decision I made. I need to take this moment, again, to thank
the Lord for the many blessings in Terry…as my husband, as my friend, as a man
who truly loves me as himself.
I began my
morning not fretting over car reviews, prices and perks, and what a relief it
was! Actually happy that I could devote
my day to our new church website, the load from my shoulders was real and
refreshing. Reading a devotional this morning, the
reference to this verse spoke volumes:
...For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. Romans
14:23 (ESV)
Selfishness
can be portrayed in many ways…in wants versus needs, in an unhealthy desire to
be right, but it can never be active in faith.
My faith tells me when my desires are centered far away from the life
God wants me to live. His Spirit prompts
me to remember who has called me and what His purpose is for me.
The
uncertainty of the wisdom in my quest, the concern of burdening us with another
expense, the knowledge of past mistakes, wondering if the funds spent here
would alter what benevolence we might do in the future…the fact of not even
considering God’s will for my life…all these thoughts going round my head ended
in a decision that sits well with me today.
Will that
decision remain? Will an exceptional
deal be offered to us later on? Will our
needs change and call for another consideration? Only
God knows. But if that situation arises,
I am confident that my first thoughts will be what He wants for my life and not
my own vain desires.
