Hatred ~ Simply a Void of Love

Another senseless killing, families devastated, leaving a soul in jeopardy of eternal life...for what?  Fame?  Notoriety?  Revenge?  

Questionable state of mind is immediately voiced and commonly used to justify or plead.  We slink away from calling it simply and honestly - hatred and evil. 

Opportunities arise quickly and those whose hearts are led by the hatred and evil jump to proclaim revenge, to finish the job, to inflict more pain and loss.  

And my heart hurts.  Tears fall and the doubts arise that this world can ever be made peaceful and just in the eyes of God.  Doubts arise that our sinking sand can ever be shored to keep us from drowning from this pit of self-seeking, revenge-obsessed, black hole of distrust and prejudice and lack of agape love.

Where does one turn to when life is rearing an ugly head?  To the only source worth quoting:

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets."  Matthew 7:12  

We made this incident; we contributed to it in even the smallest ways. Directly or indirectly, we are responsible.  But God can use this for good.  Our part now is to love with the love of Christ, encourage with the strength of the hope within us, saturate our immediate surroundings with acceptance, prayer and deep desire to have peace towards one another and indwelling of the Spirit to want the best...above ourselves...for others.

Dear God, help us for you are strong and we are weak.  

Looking for God

The swirling mist envelopes, constantly changing yet obscure at every angle. Longing for vision, for clarity, the eyes are straining but cannot see.

The dream is liquid, like waves growing large with frothy ripples on the sand. Keeping my head barely aloof, my eyes grow gritty, burning with anxiety, searching and hoping.  

With eyes failing to see and senses not detecting, my spirit grows weak.  I am alone.  

Hopelessness is death.  Not the abrupt departure but lingering and devoid of light, it is torturous.

Hanging onto the speck of light barely discernible, the soul reaches out of the pit of pity, the heart quickens and while hope tries to rebirth itself from this despair, one is cautious because this one is aware of undeserving, worthless, failing existence.  

But the light grows steady, until burning with intensity, this soul finds itself on the brink of the grave, ready to step forward with new purpose and reality. Recognizing the futility of plans dashed, admitting the limits of abilities on solid ground, this light...this hope...washes one clean, clearing the vision and cleansing the heart.

Oh, no miraculous ending of burden here, nor the absence of culpability, but the light of hope becomes faith.  Faith that carries, uplifts, calms and grows and keeps pulling us out of the pits of life.  For though we stumble, yet God is faithful to provide because He...never...leaves.   

"Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led.  But it does mean loving and knowing the one who is leading.  It is literally a life of faith.  Not of understanding and reason - a life of knowing Him who calls us to go.  A life of faith is not a life of one glorious mountaintop experience after another, but is a life of day-in and day-out consistency; a life of walking without fainting."                                                                                                                ~ Oswald Chambers 

  

My Tapestry

A soap opera junkie...me?  Off and on during my years, I have become enamored, sadly, to one soap or another.  My one and only left is Days of Our Lives.  I quickly became enmeshed in their lives, recording the episode to watch at night.  Impatient at times with the exaggerated slowness of events unfolding, the time came when I could ignore no longer the emptiness of their lives, the shallowness of their characters and the immoral fiber strung through each viewing.  As my husband so aptly put one night (sometimes he had to endure the episode while trying to sleep), "people are never happy on that show and they never work!"

At times, the producer of this show would recap - showing old footage and using clips that reminded you of who this or that person used to be, who they were married to, and what terrible storms they had weathered.  The characters usually remain true throughout, and past deeds convince you of his/her probable course in life.  Their lives are lived before you showing every color, every vibrant hue...and every dark thread.

It is the dark color, this deepening of void that attracts...recognizing the lure of forbidden while anticipating the reaction when faced with dire consequences.  It is this darkness that can compel, spellbind, delude, and slowly but eventually acclimate you to immorality.  

This darkness is not exclusive to soap operas.  From family members who relentlessly pursue the dangerous course of their lives, to fellow workers indulging in the drugs of life to fill empty hours and shallow desires.  From T.V. shows to reality, the present culture weaves its treacherous whims as destiny...a pattern we can mimic or reject, pursue or turn from.  

But then the episode ends, the deceit revealed, and the end in sight...unless the writer of their lives invents a new thread.

There are threads woven in my life that I had rather pull out, discard...pretend it didn't exist.  But pretending is only that, and I am faced with the life of me, dotted with ill-chosen threads, this tapestry of life that is bound to my being, ultimately shaped to His good! 

The thread woven in me is encased in a mercy quite beyond my comprehension. Despite my unworthiness, there is a Master Weaver who blots out my transgressions and turns my life of threads into a soul devoted to Him, thankful for His grace and His faithfulness.  Thank you, Jehovah God, for your mercy and grace, for the sacrifice of Your Son.  May your glory shine through each of us, reflecting your love!

The Tapestry

A missionary was traveling in the Far East
 when he came across a booth in a market place
It was a tapestry maker’s booth.
As he walked by he saw a strange sight. 
There appeared in the tapestry almost by magic , 
and the missionary asked his guide for an explanation. 

“The man you see,” said the guide, “Is a master weaver. 
He is speaking to his apprentice 
behind the loom telling him what color thread to use and where to put it.
 Only the weaver knows the entire design, so it is vital that the apprentice do 
exactly as the master commands.” 

“Does the apprentice ever make a mistake?’ asked the missionary. 

“Of course. But the weaver is a very kind man in this case and
 he will rarely have the boy take out the thread.
 Instead, being a great artist, he simply works the mistake in the design.”

From Dark to Light

Early Morning Riser is a term never applied to myself.  Loving the sound of it and appreciating it in others, the value itself has not held the allure for me to rise up and leave that comfy bed.  Memories of late mornings, especially Saturdays when the kids were elsewhere, are distant now.  Gone is the luxury of lazy stretching, contemplating, and the slow assent into mornings.

Lamenting my loss of leisure and berating Mr. Arthritis, the recent thorn in my flesh, a beautiful and treasured awareness has taken place over the past year.  The darkness that greets me outside this sunroom embraces me like a cocoon.   The house remains quiet with only the sound of Mother's pendulum clock breaking through my consciousness, and with that, too, receding rapidly.

Reaching for my laptop and catching up on the last night's events keep me occupied, along with that first cup of coffee, of course.  

Then it catches my attention...that first awakening of the tiniest bit of light.  Changing imperceptively, I realize God is slowly starting my day.  No birds yet pierce the air with their talk, no movement even in the cattle next door.  A peacefulness invades my world, and I am oh, so content! 

The earlier darkness had clothed me in assurance, but wasn't it because of my stable position indoors?  If the darkness has surrounded me in the middle of a field, wouldn't the effect be certainly one of unprotected, insecure and endangered?  Does the walled and windowed sunroom dispel the illusion of safety?  Because I desire to believe in the safety of my own home, I push away any thought of invasion of privacy or intrusion.

How easily one can believe and trust in one's feelings and justifications...to rely on self-worth, pride and self-indulgence.

Since the beginning, man has desired and pursued a god-like appearance, intelligence and power. Believing himself to be superior in intellect, too many have scoffed at any notion of a supreme being and savior of the world.  Belittling and scorning the "peasant" style faith, theories and hypothesis become their truths, likening themselves to the truly enlightened.

Sad that the efforts of these intelligent individuals were not directed at espousing the Bible truths, that the "light" in enlightened refers to the blazing love, truth, passion, and totally devoted savior of our entire world!  

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”                              John 8:12 (NIV)

The darkness in these early morning hours has become familiar to me now.  I am not afraid.  Not because I have come to trust the dark, but to embrace the light!  Thank you, Lord, for the blessings of each new day, for the increased awareness of your deity, your sovereignty, your sacrifice, your love and graciousness.  Thank you for my sight of your lightness and in my words and actions, may I always reflect your glory!

Faith in Decisions

It took me some time to appreciate the dark color…very trendy, more practical for sure.  The newness was the allure.  I like new.  It may be one of my greatest weaknesses…a new car.  I actually get restless every four years or so and begin noticing styles as I drive, my appetite growing.  And then the justification begins.

Need can be honest but also misunderstood.  What is luxury to one may be essential to another.   Yearning to be satisfied with need, but drawn by the want, the pros and cons begin listing.  Yes, I bought my last vehicle on want…sporty, fast, zippy, fun.   Never mind that the back seat exists but not functional for most adults.  Never mind that the trunk storage is cute but holds…well, not much!  Never mind that my husband cannot comfortably drive it, but then he has that big SUV, doesn’t he?

So, the hunt begins for a more practical, sharable vehicle for the two of us…another SUV.  And the perks of new electronics, more buttons and whistles call my name.  Spending endless time researching online, visiting and driving vehicles, talking and considering and driving and talking.  My husband supporting me in whatever I choose, my mind reeling from stats and reviews, I realize that my reluctance to make a decision may be coming from a different source.

The selfishness of want is astounding and certainly does not mesh with my spiritual growth.  It staggers me to realize how selfish I can still sometimes be, how quickly I attempt to take control of my life without consulting the only One who is in control!

With relief, I voiced my decision last night to not pursue a trade at this time.  My loving husband accepted it without question, ready to go or stay with whatever decision I made.  I need to take this moment, again, to thank the Lord for the many blessings in Terry…as my husband, as my friend, as a man who truly loves me as himself.

I began my morning not fretting over car reviews, prices and perks, and what a relief it was!  Actually happy that I could devote my day to our new church website, the load from my shoulders was real and refreshing.   Reading a devotional this morning, the reference to this verse spoke volumes:

...For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.   Romans 14:23 (ESV)  

Selfishness can be portrayed in many ways…in wants versus needs, in an unhealthy desire to be right, but it can never be active in faith.  My faith tells me when my desires are centered far away from the life God wants me to live.  His Spirit prompts me to remember who has called me and what His purpose is for me. 

The uncertainty of the wisdom in my quest, the concern of burdening us with another expense, the knowledge of past mistakes, wondering if the funds spent here would alter what benevolence we might do in the future…the fact of not even considering God’s will for my life…all these thoughts going round my head ended in a decision that sits well with me today.

Will that decision remain?  Will an exceptional deal be offered to us later on?  Will our needs change and call for another consideration?   Only God knows.  But if that situation arises, I am confident that my first thoughts will be what He wants for my life and not my own vain desires.

Too Proud Not to Tell

Intelligent, capable, self-assured, with a healthy dose of humor and humongus heart...these are the qualities that attracted me first.  Laughter has saturated our days and lightened my heart on many occasions.  A great teacher, always patient when I hard-headedly cling to my self-defeating purposes, he is my rock, my best friend.

Following his lead has taken me over roads I would not have traveled on my own, adventures better left to the adventurers!  He has brought me out of my shell, nourished and gently prodded me to take a risk and enjoy the ride.

But never have I loved him more than today, love the man he has become in God's church!  I watched and listened as he spoke kind, loving words to a grieving family, words of encouragement and hope of a completely trustworthy Lord, celebrating the life of a man he knew not well, but loving him and his family he spoke from his heart.

His faith encourages me.  His growth encourages me.  His teaching inspires me to greater knowledge of God's Word.  His love for me envelopes and protects, but it is his love of the Lord that fills my heart.  Thank you, Lord, for this husband, friend and lover of You!

Pesky Doubt

Praying in the morning, looking out over the green grass and fields dotted with flowers outside my windows...one of the best times of my day.  Thanking the Lord for His creation and wondering how magnificent heaven must be, longing to see it...longing to see Him...the vision brings me face to face with recounting my life...and I falter and tremble.  Words of praise begin to stutter and invading memories close up the throat and force tears. 

Doubt is a self-defeating, ingenious tool and evil uses it skillfully. 

How does one live with being forgiven?  How does one accept this ridiculously undeserving act of...well, grace?  How does one look into the face of the graceful one and not want to literally cut away the selfish, horrid, unfathomable acts of the past when you love the graceful one with every fiber of your being and can stand no more the mere thought of displeasing Him?  How does one rewrite life?

You cannot.  It's done. 

Prayer is interrupted by tears of sorrow, doubts of inferior makeup too tainted to be loved or fully forgiven.  How many times has doubt marred my moments and old fears consumed my body? 

Relinquishing my efforts in prayer and picking up the laptop instead, the first devotional email speaks of turning your mess into a message:

"God happens to be in the restoration business.  He is willing to restore and heal all who come to Him.  It doesn't matter who are you, what you've done, or what has been done to you.  God is willing and able to turn any tragedy into triumph..."

~Micca Campbell 

As I read, I am overcome with yet another message: 

The Healer of the broken
The friend to every sinner
Who knows the sorrow of each scar...

~Gwen & Sue Smith

You see, it is the scars that concern me.  How can I proclaim the goodness of Christ if my scars detract from the message?  The hardest part of living life is forgiving myself for what the Lord has already forgiven!

Another devotional message comes in:

"Recently I was thanking the Father for his mercy.  And I began listing the sins he’d forgiven.  “Remember the time I…” But I stopped.  Something was wrong.  It didn’t fit.  Does he remember?

Then I remembered.  I remembered his words in Hebrews 8:12: “And I will remember their sins no more.”  Wow!

God doesn’t just forgive, he forgets.  He erases the board.  He destroys the evidence. He burns the microfilm.  He clears the computer.  He doesn’t remember!"

~Max Lucado

Overcome with emotion, my tears are fresh with joy again!  It is always most humbling when I realize He hears my prayers!  BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY, you are never alone and His word is truth!  He will give you what you need, when you need it, and His timing is always exactly on time!  Because He loves and forgives, therefore, I will love and forgive, too.

My prayer for you and me this day and every day:

     “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul

 and with all your strength and with all your mind; and,

Love your neighbor as yourself."   Luke 20:27

Rebellion Quenched?

"Rebellion is a method teenagers use to help them pronounce their independence and individuality."  I could have written that.  But I didn't.  Instead I lived it...off and on for far too long!  As the oldest of three girls, rebellion against chores came first, followed by the relentless admonition of "You have to be an example, not a stumbling block."  Resentment can burst forth in the tamest of individuals.

More duties fell naturally to me...older, more responsible, more reliable...who secretly seethed with indignation of the unfairness of work load and less to no expectation of help from siblings.  Oh, the self-absorbed rantings of a teenager!

Instinctively independent, living life has been inundated with constant resistance to parental authority.  While encouraging for a child to reach their potential, independence can walk a thin line with rebellion.  It is difficult for a young person to judge correctly when the lines are blurred.

Leaving home at the earliest opportunity was supposed to open my world and let myself fly!  It did just that.  But the world is full of dreadful obstacles and my flying became dangerously unstable.  Still, my rebellious senses kept telling me flee towards a life I deserved...but who was I rebelling against now?  

Who knew that years of taking lead responsibility, caring for younger siblings and constantly stepping up to the plate, would bring me to yet more years of care giving, first for my mother and then years of care for a sister and my dad.  Those previous years of preparation, though unknown to me at the time, built up strength for when my family would really need me.  While I was secretly whining about my role and wanting my family to care for me, my Lord was giving me family to care for.  I must admit to thinking at the time that life was being just a bit unfair.  Selfishness comes naturally to me also.

Was I a perfect caregiver or sister?  Not by a long shot.  I have my share of regrets. Was it a life of my dreams?  Sadly, I never thought it lived up to my "expectations."  

But the beauty of older age is looking back at how your life has been played and see how God has worked his will.  I thought I was viewing troubles, trials, and obstacles to my existance.  But God corrected my vision, showing me how He was there with me all along, giving me strength, honing my patience and growing my maturity.  He KNEW I would be needed by my family and gave me the tools to do just that.

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1:2-4

My short-sided vision could not show me the wisdom of the scripture above.  I thank the Lord, for allowing me to finally recognize that a life caring for others is the greatest calling I could have.  However, I fully expect a call from my sister shortly, and I also ask the Lord to remind me of this again, as I wait eagerly for my maturity!

Who New

Early spring.  Grass shoots up greener, trees begin to expand with buds, yellow daffodils emerge til heads are full blown, and new calves kick their heels and run with abandonment in the fields next door.  Birds sing louder and the urge to bask in sunshine is strong.  My part of earth is waking with newness and joy.  The blissfulness of living with seasons, ever changing, giving new sights and sounds as each day is a new day.  Thank you, Lord, for a new day!

New is invigorating.  New is intoxicating.  New is joyful and full of promise.  New is what we want to share with others, relishing their delight in our good fortune.  

New is what the Lord gives me every hour...a newness in soulful anticipation of purpose and belonging...new is God's grace!  For the grace of God is righteous and He gives freely...even to me, the worst of sinners.  Each moment spent reflecting on repentance and forgiveness points time and again to His grace.   God's grace is love.


Time cannot be regained; opportunities missed cannot be duplicated.  But each moment forward is new and hope is reborn...grace reigns.   

But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.  (Romans 11:6)

Every Single One

The world's population is now over seven billion people.  Living in a rural setting, that number is alien to me, unfathomable.  Surely the earth cannot hold us all, as huge as it is.  Put yourself in the middle of seven billion people...how can you be distinguished from the masses, the broiling, teeming swirl of humanity that is constantly moving and growing?   How can you matter?

in·fin·i·tes·i·mal:  An immeasurably or incalculably minute amount or quantity.

There are 10 times more stars in the night sky than grains of sand in the world's deserts and beaches, according to scientists.  Astronomers estimated there are 70 thousand million million million - or seven followed by 22 zeros - stars visible from the Earth through telescopes.

Sort of makes the world's population seem small, doesn't it?

But doesn't it also start to put some things into perspective?

We think we have put God into a certain place.  Our mind pictures a throne of majesty and grandeur, yes.  Somewhere between earth and heaven, wherever that is.  We picture our galaxy, and then the mind wavers and recedes.  The vastness of outer space is mind boggling and fearful.  We try to accept the unimaginable distances and time and unknown and our hearts begin to pound.   Who is this God who can create and manage such wonders?  And who am I that He would create and plan a life for...me, this infinitesimal dot on the universes?



If I have not expressed jubilent thanks to my Lord for my life and the hope He gives me...every moment of my waking...then I am remiss, uncaring and traitorous.  For my God, who is the Creator of all things, is faithful and one day will tell me...this infinitesimal dot...the secrets of His creations and I will know and enjoy the wonderful things he has planned for me in heaven.  I love you, Lord, and I will not miss out on your promises!

Time Spent Well

It was beautifully penciled and colored, giving a very cool picture of what could be.  Visions of a well designed, colorful landscape was enticing...equal to the promise of spring on a bright, sunny day.  It would be enjoyable, pleasing to the eye, an example of what can be surveyed in God's creations.  It would also be expensive.  Biting the bullet, I signed my name.

Euphoria was short lived.  By nightfall, doubts were taking over and the urge to call and cancel was deep.  Could we afford it?  Could the money be better spend elsewhere?  Was it a smart decision?  How long would we enjoy it?  How long...?  There it was, the underlying crux I was battling without knowing. 

Seasons change and the years speed up that process, I'm sure of it.  Life takes on a cruising speed of its own, and you find yourself amazed when looking back...amazed and sometimes disappointed.  Joseph Cook, editor and writer, once summarized man's earthly life this way: "Man's life means tender teens, teachable twenties, tireless thirties, fiery forties, forceful fifties, serious sixties, sacred seventies, aching eighties, shortening breath, dead, the sod, then God."

As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more. - Psalm 103:15

Statistically, 15 to 22 remaining years is projected for me, baring any life ending diseases.  My head is still reeling!   So, too, is my husband's because I felt the need to inform him of this...his more because he is astounded I would even look this up!    My astonishment is more tuned into the age old questions of "Where did the time go?" and "What do I have to show for my life?" and "What do I need to hurry up and get accomplished before my memory is mush?" and more importantly, "Have I lived my life for Christ or myself?"

Jesus teaches us to seek first the kingdom of God, and also “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."  (Matthew 6:34).  Bottom line, the present time is the perfect time, the only time, to follow and serve God.

Missed opportunities cannot be recreated and time gone by is not retrievable.  We cannot worry about what we have done with our lives, because today, this moment, begins anew.  However many moments are left are full of promise, and all we have to do is seek Him.

So, no more worries about something as trivial as landscaping.   I have better things to do with my time.

Scheduling God

It caught my eye as I was browsing...What would happen if we looked at our schedules as acts of worship?        

What, my schedule?  Worship?  We had just gone through a series of lessons on worship at church, and I was pretty sure this one wasn't mentioned.  I almost passed it by.  But curiosity got the better of this ole cat and I read on.

What constitutes worship has been on my mind for some time now...years really.  Is everything I do worship?  Is there such a thing as simply living my life without it necessarily being worship?

“Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering’” (Rom. 12:1, MSG).

Living a life is not worship...unless I make it so!  I can either reflect the glory of God and show the presence of Jesus in my life, or I can reflect the opposite.  Every day is a choice; every moment is a choice...whether I build up or tear down; whether I encourage or criticize; whether I forgive or not forgive; whether I give mercy or pronounce judgment; whether I share my faith or remain silent. 

Dusting can become meditative moments...vacuuming can provide times of prayerful thoughts...errands can be opportunities for reaching out...work can be filled with joyful attitude and calming spirit...travel time can be spent in appreciation and thankfulness for God created views of beauty and nature.

Schedules change from day to day...no two days are exactly the same.  As a child of God, we should remain constant, always looking to God in every instance of our schedules, allowing His nature to influence us in word and deed.  Then our everyday, ordinary life will be extraordinary and a fitting offering for the One who made us!    

Time Changes

Time as a noun is defined as the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues...i.e., duration.  As in, non-sleep.  Which is where I am at present.  After a particularly busy day, certainly tired enough to drop off into oblivion, how can time stand still with eyes glued to the ceiling?  How does the brain miss the timely signs of nightly rest when the remainder of this body knows full well the needed comfort of bed and sleep?

Instead, knowledge of a friend facing cancer surgery fills the mind and urgent prayers are lifted on his behalf...which brings to mind others facing surgery or treatment...more prayers offered.  The domino effect is raging now, and the mind races with urgent needs of friends, family, and friends of friends. 

So up out of the bed I go to precious time in the middle of the night, with only the ticking of a clock to match the clicking of the keyboard, to match the beating of a heart filled with love and hope for lives physically suffering and others grieving for lost loved ones.

Time stops for no one...except the Lord.  Joshua 10:13:
And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is not this written in the book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day.

So the dying continues, diseases ravage bodies, hearts and promises are broken.  But then births continue also, allowing laughter and joy to ring through our days, as love and hope tower above all else.  How comforting to know that what we experience, what we fear, what loss we bear has been foretold in words we can understand...

Ecclesiates 3:

     1 For there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

     2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
        to pluck up what is planted;
     3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
     4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
     5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
        a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
     6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
     7 a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
     8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

We have been given time on earth and not all that time is pleasant.  Our God knew of life trials we would face and has numbered our days.  I choose this new day to remember our Creator, to live my life fully with meaning and purpose.  I choose to value my time with heart-felt prayer and thankfulness.  I choose time with God.

Graciousness in Despair

Let me tell you about graciousness in the form of a woman...or two.

It was a day burdened with frustration, of time spent fruitlessly and endlessly.  Traffic crept, then time,  a typical "hurry up and wait."  Anticipating surgical procedures, the lack of nourishment, and unexpected emergencies pile and stack, bringing frowns to the faces and tiredness to the eyes.  Burdened lives of physical ills are heavy to the point of despair, and we wonder "why?" and "how long". 

God uses that.

Endless waiting provides opportunities for life reflection and status of soul.  Family and friends are prompted to open discussion of spiritual things, changes of lifestyle and the need for a savior.  A small room filled with persons make intimate conversation difficult, so expressions of encouragement and exhortation carry and words fall where they may. 

God's name is heard.

Finally, her husband's surgery goes well and she feels blessed.  Another's was put on life support and she is left devastated and helpless, all the while knowing that God will see her through.  The room is immediately drawn to her sadness and offers prayers in her behalf. 

God is honored.

The first lady, my good friend, carries the burden of Multiple Sclerosis...this day and every day of her life...a progressing, debilitating disease, making the endless traversing of a hospital stay difficult and draining.  There are no complaints...not a murmur passes her lips...ever.  I stand amazed at her resiliency and humbleness in spite of her ever changing, increasing dependence on other people or things.

God uses my friend to teach me gratitude and patience.

Driving her to where she will stay overnight, I meet her sister.  Another beautiful, gracious lady who welcomes me with warmth and appreciation...all from her wheelchair, for she carries the burden of polio.  I am then introduced to her loving husband, who suffers from Alzheimer's. Some have more than their share of burdens.  But I leave with beautiful, loving smiles following me through the door and the warmth envelops me, and I simply praise God for the pleasure of knowing these beautiful souls clothed in wearisome bodies.

God is worshipped.

May we be gracious and joyful in the face of despair, knowing that God is there even then, using the bad for good, teaching and admonishing us to learn and show compassion, growing our faith and giving us endless opportunities to do good, giving thanks to our Lord for all things and trusting Him always. 

It was a day full of graciousness and I, as well as others, was indeed blessed.

Frustrating the Flustered

There was a snake in our pool yesterday.  I found it.  Alive.  Its presence was short lived because Terry came to the rescue and removed it with the leaf skimmer, then fed it to the birds.  It was a very young snake.  I wonder where its mother is...or siblings?

This small snake was not evil in itself, but it presented a danger to my family and an affront to my senses because it had envaded my space. 

As Terry slowly moved the skimmer toward the little fellow, he became frustrated and agitated, thrashing and squirming when he became cornered.  Wanting in the water initially, he now wanted out but not by the help of this giant with a skimmer. You see, he went where he had no business going.  Not being able to overcome his predicament, he needed help but he didn't want to pay the price. 

Each decision made calls for an action and result. Frustration often comes with the result.

Frustration for me can lead to hateful, retaliating words and then tears of dispair.  Being armed with experience and careful consideration does not guarantee acceptance and cooperation. Having been here before, at some point the reality of limitation and subsequent surrender is inevitable. What I consider being responsible and providing guidance may mean control to others. 

When lie is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don't ask questions: wait for hope to appear.  Don't run from trouble.  Take it full-face.  The "worst" is never the worst. (Lamentations 3:28-30 The Message)

With my kind husband providing the verse, I know that my efforts may seem to have been in vain, but there is a God in heaven who hears my cries and knows my every despair, indeed, my every failure.  But there is always reason to hope.  What a blessing in God's Word.