Hatred ~ Simply a Void of Love

Another senseless killing, families devastated, leaving a soul in jeopardy of eternal life...for what?  Fame?  Notoriety?  Revenge?  

Questionable state of mind is immediately voiced and commonly used to justify or plead.  We slink away from calling it simply and honestly - hatred and evil. 

Opportunities arise quickly and those whose hearts are led by the hatred and evil jump to proclaim revenge, to finish the job, to inflict more pain and loss.  

And my heart hurts.  Tears fall and the doubts arise that this world can ever be made peaceful and just in the eyes of God.  Doubts arise that our sinking sand can ever be shored to keep us from drowning from this pit of self-seeking, revenge-obsessed, black hole of distrust and prejudice and lack of agape love.

Where does one turn to when life is rearing an ugly head?  To the only source worth quoting:

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets."  Matthew 7:12  

We made this incident; we contributed to it in even the smallest ways. Directly or indirectly, we are responsible.  But God can use this for good.  Our part now is to love with the love of Christ, encourage with the strength of the hope within us, saturate our immediate surroundings with acceptance, prayer and deep desire to have peace towards one another and indwelling of the Spirit to want the best...above ourselves...for others.

Dear God, help us for you are strong and we are weak.  

How to Say Goodbye

How to say goodbye when the years have been too short?  How to say goodbye when the anguish of life struck down in the prime of life is unacceptable, unreal and the question of why is unanswerable?  How to say goodbye when visions of your happy face flood memories until tears wash them out of sight?

Never hearing an unkind word leave your lips, your loyalty to friends was unbreakable, your love for your family was well known and your presence made its mark on a multitude of gatherings.  

I see your face and that beautiful head of hair, I hear your laughter, and I remember the casual and accepting manner you had, making me welcome in your home and in your heart.  I remember and I want those days back, to speak to you again, to hear you sing, to live another day in what we call life.  I want to tell you just how much I love you, how I hated to know your pain and powerless to take it away for you.  I want to tell you how terribly you will be missed, that you mattered to me and to many, and how sorry I am that your life was cut short.

My thanks go to the Lord tonight that you are no longer suffering, but I am selfish enough to have wanted a few more years with you!   I love you, Claire, but I know God loves you even more!

In loving memory of

Claire Winchester Riggins

February 5, 1954 - March 30, 2013

Too Proud Not to Tell

Intelligent, capable, self-assured, with a healthy dose of humor and humongus heart...these are the qualities that attracted me first.  Laughter has saturated our days and lightened my heart on many occasions.  A great teacher, always patient when I hard-headedly cling to my self-defeating purposes, he is my rock, my best friend.

Following his lead has taken me over roads I would not have traveled on my own, adventures better left to the adventurers!  He has brought me out of my shell, nourished and gently prodded me to take a risk and enjoy the ride.

But never have I loved him more than today, love the man he has become in God's church!  I watched and listened as he spoke kind, loving words to a grieving family, words of encouragement and hope of a completely trustworthy Lord, celebrating the life of a man he knew not well, but loving him and his family he spoke from his heart.

His faith encourages me.  His growth encourages me.  His teaching inspires me to greater knowledge of God's Word.  His love for me envelopes and protects, but it is his love of the Lord that fills my heart.  Thank you, Lord, for this husband, friend and lover of You!

Love in Absentia

First memory is your amazement that I would take candy, fruit or anything from kids passing by our gate if only I would recite Bible verses, name the apostles or books of the Bible.  Next is chastisement that I could ignore my little sister who waited patiently at the end of the block for me to get out of school.  Third was sadness but ultimate determination that my youngest sister would survive and flourish in spite of shaky beginnings.

Through rebellious teenage years, I mistakenly viewed you as old fashioned and somehow determined to ruin my joy.  Your wisdom eluded me then...and haunts me now.

Loving your children with an unquenchable thirst, I came to recognize the  determined, energetic wife and mother as one who would never desert, always encouraging and fiercely loyal.  The forever fresh memory moment of walking through your door with a young babe of my own, feeling for the first and only time of safety...turning my child over to you and sighing relief...resting completely in the ability and love of your arms. 

Did I ever tell you how grateful I was?  Did you ever know the calm and adoration you brought to my heart?

This Mother's Day, you will have been gone for 21 years, 3 months and 37 days.  You were 57...I was 41.  People often mistook us for sisters.  I miss you no less today than I did the day you were first gone.  But memories of you sustain me, and the promise I will see you again gives me hope.  Happy Mother's Day to one of the very best.  I love you, Mother!

Pesky Doubt

Praying in the morning, looking out over the green grass and fields dotted with flowers outside my windows...one of the best times of my day.  Thanking the Lord for His creation and wondering how magnificent heaven must be, longing to see it...longing to see Him...the vision brings me face to face with recounting my life...and I falter and tremble.  Words of praise begin to stutter and invading memories close up the throat and force tears. 

Doubt is a self-defeating, ingenious tool and evil uses it skillfully. 

How does one live with being forgiven?  How does one accept this ridiculously undeserving act of...well, grace?  How does one look into the face of the graceful one and not want to literally cut away the selfish, horrid, unfathomable acts of the past when you love the graceful one with every fiber of your being and can stand no more the mere thought of displeasing Him?  How does one rewrite life?

You cannot.  It's done. 

Prayer is interrupted by tears of sorrow, doubts of inferior makeup too tainted to be loved or fully forgiven.  How many times has doubt marred my moments and old fears consumed my body? 

Relinquishing my efforts in prayer and picking up the laptop instead, the first devotional email speaks of turning your mess into a message:

"God happens to be in the restoration business.  He is willing to restore and heal all who come to Him.  It doesn't matter who are you, what you've done, or what has been done to you.  God is willing and able to turn any tragedy into triumph..."

~Micca Campbell 

As I read, I am overcome with yet another message: 

The Healer of the broken
The friend to every sinner
Who knows the sorrow of each scar...

~Gwen & Sue Smith

You see, it is the scars that concern me.  How can I proclaim the goodness of Christ if my scars detract from the message?  The hardest part of living life is forgiving myself for what the Lord has already forgiven!

Another devotional message comes in:

"Recently I was thanking the Father for his mercy.  And I began listing the sins he’d forgiven.  “Remember the time I…” But I stopped.  Something was wrong.  It didn’t fit.  Does he remember?

Then I remembered.  I remembered his words in Hebrews 8:12: “And I will remember their sins no more.”  Wow!

God doesn’t just forgive, he forgets.  He erases the board.  He destroys the evidence. He burns the microfilm.  He clears the computer.  He doesn’t remember!"

~Max Lucado

Overcome with emotion, my tears are fresh with joy again!  It is always most humbling when I realize He hears my prayers!  BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY, you are never alone and His word is truth!  He will give you what you need, when you need it, and His timing is always exactly on time!  Because He loves and forgives, therefore, I will love and forgive, too.

My prayer for you and me this day and every day:

     “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul

 and with all your strength and with all your mind; and,

Love your neighbor as yourself."   Luke 20:27

Who New

Early spring.  Grass shoots up greener, trees begin to expand with buds, yellow daffodils emerge til heads are full blown, and new calves kick their heels and run with abandonment in the fields next door.  Birds sing louder and the urge to bask in sunshine is strong.  My part of earth is waking with newness and joy.  The blissfulness of living with seasons, ever changing, giving new sights and sounds as each day is a new day.  Thank you, Lord, for a new day!

New is invigorating.  New is intoxicating.  New is joyful and full of promise.  New is what we want to share with others, relishing their delight in our good fortune.  

New is what the Lord gives me every hour...a newness in soulful anticipation of purpose and belonging...new is God's grace!  For the grace of God is righteous and He gives freely...even to me, the worst of sinners.  Each moment spent reflecting on repentance and forgiveness points time and again to His grace.   God's grace is love.


Time cannot be regained; opportunities missed cannot be duplicated.  But each moment forward is new and hope is reborn...grace reigns.   

But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.  (Romans 11:6)

Graciousness in Despair

Let me tell you about graciousness in the form of a woman...or two.

It was a day burdened with frustration, of time spent fruitlessly and endlessly.  Traffic crept, then time,  a typical "hurry up and wait."  Anticipating surgical procedures, the lack of nourishment, and unexpected emergencies pile and stack, bringing frowns to the faces and tiredness to the eyes.  Burdened lives of physical ills are heavy to the point of despair, and we wonder "why?" and "how long". 

God uses that.

Endless waiting provides opportunities for life reflection and status of soul.  Family and friends are prompted to open discussion of spiritual things, changes of lifestyle and the need for a savior.  A small room filled with persons make intimate conversation difficult, so expressions of encouragement and exhortation carry and words fall where they may. 

God's name is heard.

Finally, her husband's surgery goes well and she feels blessed.  Another's was put on life support and she is left devastated and helpless, all the while knowing that God will see her through.  The room is immediately drawn to her sadness and offers prayers in her behalf. 

God is honored.

The first lady, my good friend, carries the burden of Multiple Sclerosis...this day and every day of her life...a progressing, debilitating disease, making the endless traversing of a hospital stay difficult and draining.  There are no complaints...not a murmur passes her lips...ever.  I stand amazed at her resiliency and humbleness in spite of her ever changing, increasing dependence on other people or things.

God uses my friend to teach me gratitude and patience.

Driving her to where she will stay overnight, I meet her sister.  Another beautiful, gracious lady who welcomes me with warmth and appreciation...all from her wheelchair, for she carries the burden of polio.  I am then introduced to her loving husband, who suffers from Alzheimer's. Some have more than their share of burdens.  But I leave with beautiful, loving smiles following me through the door and the warmth envelops me, and I simply praise God for the pleasure of knowing these beautiful souls clothed in wearisome bodies.

God is worshipped.

May we be gracious and joyful in the face of despair, knowing that God is there even then, using the bad for good, teaching and admonishing us to learn and show compassion, growing our faith and giving us endless opportunities to do good, giving thanks to our Lord for all things and trusting Him always. 

It was a day full of graciousness and I, as well as others, was indeed blessed.

Remembering Granny

She didn't have to be nice to me, didn't have to ensure I was included, loved, felt a part of the family.  She didn't have to love my child.  But she did because an honest, open, loving heart allows nothing else.

To attain the highest level of virtue describes the Proverbs 31 woman.  Granny's picture should be beside this chapter.

Mother to six, grandmother to thirteen, great-grandmother to ten, and a wonderful mother-in-law to women who adored her, respected her and sought to emulate.  A loving and caring wife to her husband, to whom all respect was rendered even unto his death.  A life of high morals, generosity, service and abundant faith.  Even when the memory of her own children left her, she still remembered God and how to pray and be thankful. 

Never one to meddle with her children's lives or make demands, a phone call concerning a particular family gathering, made apparent the event was important to her and became your pleasure to show up.

A maker of fine yeast rolls, she shared with me another recipe I've used many times.  Having no name, she had laughed and said, "Oh, we just call it the dying casserole!"  Because you couldn't pass from this earth that Granny wouldn't cook for the family a very filling and tasty dish, that has since graced many a table and not a few church potluck dinners of my own.

Loved and respected by all who knew her, leaving a great legacy and happy memories.  No doubt this graceful lady knew her family loved her, but I'm pretty sure the Lord loved her more.

Geraldine Chapman Evans

January 27, 1925 - October 5, 2011

I Know I'm In Jail...

A voice called to me as I entered...Help, help me!  I know I'm in jail, but I don't know where I'm supposed to be!"  Earnest words punctuated with fearful eyes and more than a hint of exasperation.  A heart that was willing but a mind that was struggling to make sense.  Accepting of circumstances, yet perplexed in the rules.  Unaware of what was "allowed" to help, I offered words of assurance while knowing they fell far short.

While the ending of our days is unknown in circumstance and time, the cowardly part of me grips the image of falling asleep and not awakening.  The imprisonment of mind and total confusion are not part of my image...yet the possibility is real.

Knowing your loved one might be experiencing pain, confusion, helplessness and loss tears at the lining of your heart, blurting Help! to the Lord above for healing, peace and comfort.  Suddenly, the question of why, Lord, why let my loved one suffer?...becomes a moment of clarity and insight.  The precious lady in her wheelchair this morning probably has no memory of her confusion or fright.  But the sight of her and the numerous others present at our service became, for me, one of compassion, love and service.  Knowing no one person residing at that nursing home mattered not in how I viewed each one, how precious each soul, and how gracious and beautiful each heart.

Pictures float through my mind...smiles of acknowlegment when hearing a familiar hymn...words of gratitude for being able to hear the song leader and speaker...eys holding steady on the our young children present...hands reaching out for the placemats made by the children. 

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.  Isaiah 46:3-5

No, God had not left these loved ones to finish out their lives in solitude...He left us to care for them, provide for them and love them.  Better yet, to realize the gift of life, how we spend it and how we value it.  Praise God who knows every good thing, giving us what we need, loving us in such measure to the point of overflowing and showing us how to not waste a drop!