Kenzoku

The Japanese have a term, kenzoku, which translated literally means “family.” The connotation suggests a bond between people who have made a similar commitment and who possibly therefore share a similar destiny. It implies the presence of the deepest connection of friendship, of lives lived as comrades from the distant past.

I like that.  Not necessarily blood connection, but a connection of heart.  Yes, I like that. 

Not everyone is kenzoku.  Sometimes the most improbable is the most likely.  Strands of life stretching invisibly, touching and making their impression whether good or bad...family.  

Kenzoku is cherished, given value though the time meted to physical connection is minimal.  Reunited, kenzoku revives with a flourish, as if time stood still.  Family.  Friend.

Loss of kenzoku is startling, with a sharp intake of breath and tearing of the eyes and the grieving is physical. Memories surface and you grab, afraid they will go amiss and you will lose again.  The urge for another opportunity to hug, smile, appreciate...simply existing with love, peace and familiarity with this piece of kenzoku, this family...is overwhelming and the tears flow with abandon.

To you, Tom, kenzoku, with your open, caring heart you have reached out, touched and affected so many.  You sought, heard and accepted God's call and responded with generosity and zeal.  You encouraged with example, questioned with genuine desire to learn, and graced us with your life complete.  You are loved, respected, missed and grieved, but you lessened our misery by following your heart...loving our Gaynell and loving the Lord.  

Inadequate words, these, but I think you understand.  Kenzoku...always!

Just In Case...

Reading a self-penned obituary only cemented the urge to say good-bye on cloud paper. The thought keeps drifting in and out, and just in case the Lord is giving me a nudge, it's certainly not to be ignored.  

If I have only today, what is most important to me to convey to you, my husband, my children, grandchildren, extended family and friends? 

Terry...my husband, my friend, my love.  You have stood by me in tough times, with enough patience to carry the world, with a heart big enough to hold the oceans, yet with humor and loving kindness.  You have loved my child and supported her as your own.  You have made grandparenting a joy as we love these children unconditionally and with much gratitude. But it is when I see and hear you teaching God's Word that I am most grateful. For your strongness in Him is encouragement to me, and I am fortified by the knowledge that your love for Him is greater than your love for me.  And your love for me has been epic!

Missy, with all memories cherished, I find myself longing for every single day since you were born that I might live again the joy of birthing, raising and loving every nuisance of your life.  I fear what I have forgotten may have been the most memorable.  Your maturing into motherhood yourself has been the greatest joy.  Smiles emerge every time I think of your gardening, your surprising ability with flowers and plants, your secureness in who you are.  I thank you for the gift of two grandsons.  I thank you, I thank you, and I love you much!

Jon, you who were born with your dad's heart and so much of his personality, you have had my heart from day one. You are a rock and so easy to love! I have watched you take some hard punches, but your loving heart stays fast. God gave you that loving attitude, Jon, and it is to be cherished and protected.  I pray for a mate for you who values it just as much.  Thank you for loving me, Jon!

Mark, you may be my biggest surprise.  Having the ability from early on to get under my skin, I have watched you grow and mature into this stunningly devoted father of four...and that is the greatest blessing you could ever have given me!  I love that you are stepping into the shoes of your dad, following a career that I am sure with your determination, you will even surpass.  

To my beautiful grandchildren, you are sunshine to my soul!  Being with you brings so much happiness to my life, it is impossible to explain the true measurement of my love for you! I want all of you to have a good life, full of respect for your parents, love for mankind, love and kindness for animals, but most of all, a heart fully devoted to God.

To my sister, Beverly.  I hope for you peace, peace and more peace.  For happiness is fleeting, riches dwindle, but peace in your body and soul untangles the mind and levels the wave lengths of life, leaving you with joy and pure contentment.  Ask for it, accept it, and then give thanks, because the only real peace comes from the Father.  

And that is my wish and prayer for all of you, my family and my friends.  Each day not devoted to God's will, magnifies to ten-fold as you grow older...because of regret.  You cannot change the past or have a do-over...make it count now.  Love Him, live for Him and serve only Him.

I am not afraid to die should my time be soon, even though it is a sad thought to be leaving any of you.  But I have faith in Christ and there is where I put all my hope.  I know without a doubt there is a better life after death, and I go willingly because I want to see the Lord!  My purpose and your purpose is to glorify God! (1 Cor. 6:19-20)  Keep Christ as center of your lives, and everything else will revolve for good around Him!  Everything else is futile. 

I will always love you and pray the best for your lives...physically but more so, spiritually. If I only had three words to impart to you today, it would be "Love the Lord!"   And if I go before you, I'll wait for you there!

Who Will Pick Up the Pieces?

It's been a long wait.  Endless hours of watching, waiting for the right time, the right opportunity.  It will be a mess, but somebody has to clean up, pick up the pieces that remain.

Never mind the mess, the loss, the residuals, the least important of the least significant. It is the end result, the nourishment for the faithful, the survival of the fittest. Not to mourn what has reached its end, but to satisfy the moment...this cycle of life goes on without bereavement, without consolation?

Nothing but the bellowing call of a young one to its dying mother, the inevitable last breath before the vultures come in to devour.  No medicinal shots can cure, no one thing to take the blame...just life's cycle in an ever changing world.  And the buzzards pick up the pieces.

Sometimes, I just want to stop the world for a second, say hang on to your axle and take notice of what is happening.  

Coming of age means more than aches and pains.  It brings an unreal acceleration of life events, an uncanny view of history repeating itself, and sometimes the speed is too much, too fast, the changes too many, and the horror too real.  Who will pick up the pieces?

Our children.  Our grandchildren.

Whether we support current government or not, laws are rapidly being changed to reflect the latest trend of thinking...whether we like, agree or disdain.  Our free thinking and inflated egos are creating new attitudes, new environments to shape our learning and thinking.  

What may seem to be expedient, even worthy, to the populace at large today may bring greater anxieties and obstacles to overcome for the younger generation.  My mind is filled with concern, but the remembrance of one verse stands out:

 “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”  Psa. 46:10

To be still is to let go, to surrender to God, knowing He is always in control.  Jeremiah 17 in The Message:  

"God, pick up the pieces.    Put me back together again.    You are my praise!"

Our grandchildren will be picking up our pieces on this earth, but the Lord God will be the ultimate judge and healer of our bad judgments.  The last word, the last action, the ultimate ending of this life's cycle will be the Lord's!

Pray for our country, pray for our children, pray for strength in the hour of adversity, uncertainty, and persecution...for it is now.

Old Scrag

You feel safe when someone you trust is in control.  You feel loved when you are allowed to blossom and grow.  You feel nourished when fed daily, stretching and growing in the radiant glow of light.  

I fear plants do not look upon me with trust and, indeed, wish for legs to scamper away!

My one remaining house plant is loyal, though, and has survived many injustices in its lifetime.  I am ashamed.

Moving it into the dining room, placing it just so next to the windows, there was perhaps a faint sigh of relief...or more than likely the rustle of a dry leaf as it was placed on the table!  The change of position has been beneficial as its branches have seemed to reach through the window toward the sky.  

It is the light, you see...

Like the undersea current flowing strongly from the shore taking with it all in its path, so the light draws upward as hands raised in worship.  This straggly little plant, bravely enduring my negligence, now transcends any deficiency I caused and expands joyfully and fully.   Beautiful rays of sunshine lavishing freely through glass.

Flooding this plant with water could never quench its thirst for light, and as God designed, Old Scrag here knew where to find it.   

I now look at this plant and instantly think of our Creator, never doubting the light He furnishes for my heart.  It is His light that keeps the joy in my day, in spite of any adversity or heartache...heartache for sick children, untimely deaths, and yes, animal cruelty.  His light transcends all sadness, no matter the source, and without it, my world would be doomed. 

None other can fill my heart nor give me the water for which I thirst.  I praise His name, and I give thanks that God is ultimately in control of my life, my world, and yours.

It Is All Good!

Three women and a car that will not start...not a good combination!  

The week had been so pleasant - roaring waves, white sand, sunshine and oh, the great seafood!  A decent place to stay, good conversation with memories explored, spiritual discussions, while laughter and love showered everything!  Family ties are strong bonds, and we all felt thankfulness for the opportunity to be together in such a beautiful place.

The battery changed all that...or did it?

The scheduled return home was going smoothly, arising early and feeling bubbly that all bags (including a few purchases) managed to fit back into the car!  Then...clink!  Dead battery.  Utter disbelief.  Frustration sets in.  Images of appointments back home begin to fly away.  Anxiety builds until Jen (Who needs Onstar when you have Virginia with you??) hails a guy to help who hails a guy to help, and...voila! Jumped off in a jiffy, way before the tow truck arrived, and we breathe a brief sigh of relief.  

Notice the word "brief"...because our cars are so sophisticated and electronically able that the dead battery (or the jumping off thereof) had severely wounded its pride and refused to reset!  No power steering and lights ablaze on the panel that you never want to see!

Our eagerness to return home was delayed again by a local dealership, appointments now cancelled.  A latte from McDonald's and a box of assorted donuts from Krispy Kreme got us through the hour or so for the repairs - amazing how sugar will get you through some tough moments!

The bottom line is we all arrived home safely...later than planned, a couple of events missed, but safe and sound.  A devotional arriving in my emails this morning brought it all in perspective:

Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Who knows what we missed by the late start?  An opportunity to collide with another vehicle?  An opportunity to be distracted to the point of wrecking ourselves?  A early stop for latte or donuts and being in the wrong place at the wrong time?  Absolutely no way to know.

What I do know is God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him!  What a comfort and blessing and joy to know that whatever our circumstances, He is there, involved and His plan will prevail!

I praise your name, Lord, and how grateful I am for the wonderful fellowship enjoyed with my family, the beauty of your world reinforced, and the reminder that you are always in control!

Whatever your lot today, give thanks to the Lord for it is all good!

How to Say Goodbye

How to say goodbye when the years have been too short?  How to say goodbye when the anguish of life struck down in the prime of life is unacceptable, unreal and the question of why is unanswerable?  How to say goodbye when visions of your happy face flood memories until tears wash them out of sight?

Never hearing an unkind word leave your lips, your loyalty to friends was unbreakable, your love for your family was well known and your presence made its mark on a multitude of gatherings.  

I see your face and that beautiful head of hair, I hear your laughter, and I remember the casual and accepting manner you had, making me welcome in your home and in your heart.  I remember and I want those days back, to speak to you again, to hear you sing, to live another day in what we call life.  I want to tell you just how much I love you, how I hated to know your pain and powerless to take it away for you.  I want to tell you how terribly you will be missed, that you mattered to me and to many, and how sorry I am that your life was cut short.

My thanks go to the Lord tonight that you are no longer suffering, but I am selfish enough to have wanted a few more years with you!   I love you, Claire, but I know God loves you even more!

In loving memory of

Claire Winchester Riggins

February 5, 1954 - March 30, 2013

Giving Hope

Beautiful days turned suddenly sodden are happening everywhere.  Tragic moments appear in the midst of the most calm.  No one is immune, no one is singled out, and no one knows why in the middle of perfect joy can come the bleakest moment that rips a hole in your heart.

You struggle for words of comfort, wise words of hope, even when you cannot come to grips with the insanity of the situation, the disappointment, the seeming unfairness.  How do you overcome the untenable, the hopelessness of not being in control, the gut-wrenching pain of ineffectiveness? 

Books by the dozens offer consolement, but who can adequately put themselves in a position they know not the depths of?  So at best we falter with empty words, trying at best to put an encouraging thought on a hurtful situation.  More often than not, we fail.

To be compassionate and to commiserate, you must know the alarm of fear and time-warp of senses when the proverbial rug is jerked out from under you.  You must recognize the stages of hope and grief, and the patience required of both.  Because the pit left when the rug leaves is...massive, devastating, real, leaving you prostrate and defeated.  And there are days when you feel you are in this pit alone, no matter the "noise" surrounding you.

Cliché phrases will not suffice, even when one knows the truth of them. I defer to an article more adequately and eloquently spoken:  We Do Not Lose Heart.  

Especially on my heart today are the children fighting hideous diseases and injuries through no fault of their own, their mothers and fathers who are anguishing over their pain and feeling helpless to overcome, and all the caregivers who must watch and work professionally even while their hearts must be breaking every moment. 

To friends and friend of friends facing the ravages of disease and the futility of the pit that comes with it, you are filling my heart and it overflows with prayers to the Father.  When words fail, the Spirit rescues:

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.  (Romans 8:26) 

This Joy

I know you, I see your tears and I know your pain.  Your hopes and aspirations are evident to me, as well as your worries and distress.  I see beyond the outward cloak of your mantle to the beauty of your inner being.  You are loved, you are respected, you are essential to my well-being because of the love we share and the dreams we dream, of the hope we have for our children and grandchildren.  

Your pain is my pain and your laughter echos within me.  There is joy abundant when in your midst, and our hearts sing together as one.  You are my friend, my confidant, my encouragement on the bleakest of days.  You are my sister in Christ and I am so blessed to call you Friend.

Thinking of my sisters this morning after a wonderful evening spent in fellowship and study.  No doubt God was in our midst!  I love you all!

Sleep...It's Not All That!

I love snow when it's falling.  I even love it after it sticks...as long as it's off the roads in a considerably short length of time.  Snow may be the best thing about winter...or the only thing.  Well, there's the bug kill-off, but I'm not certain if that actually happens.  Probably some attempt to make us feel better about freezing temps without snow.

Cold temps and short days make for excellent excuses to nap.  That is, unless you have a demanding job or family or if you find yourself in a persistent, chronic, irritable and totally dysfunctional sleeping pattern that has appeared out of the blue.  Memories of sleeping late on Saturday mornings are so faded, the possibility of them being real is in question.  But I YEARN to experience them again!  Apparently, sleep patterns change as we age.  Who knew?  And, yea!

Regularly fortified with Advil PM, the first hour of bedtime is more or less comfy and sleep is somewhere right under the surface line of daydream and wakefulness.  With one cat at my feet or curled next to my body, the second cat proceeds to tiptoe - yes, it can happen - between my hubby and me to stop between our pillows.  The purring is loud and I am bemused.  Until turning onto my side and finding within centimeters of my face a very furry head with whiskers....which is LAYING on my pillow!

Unable to sleep in one position long, the constant turning and repositioning seems to be annoying to the  felines - bless their hearts - and effort is made to disturb as little as possible and avoid stripping all the cover from my blissfully sleeping spouse.  Right.  Stretching out one leg to still the arthritic stabs announcing their rightful place, I am suddenly pushing against a brick wall...nope, it's the Sassy cat who has decided she cannot share a pillow with restless me and has looked for a roomier space.

Then there are the innumerable trips to the potty...I must stop drinking sweet tea at bedtime.  Each time, disentangling myself from the lounging animals, sitting on the edge of the bed looking sideways at the clock (never look directly for the disappointment of the early hour will produce in-som-ni-a), the cats think I am getting up to feed them and begin to meow.  Shushing them as quietly as possible, tip-toeing quickly across the tile floor (cold!), keeping the eyes closed as tightly as is safe, the errand is finished and I am once again in the bed...with the sleeping husband and two cats who take as much time getting comfortable again as me.

This routine goes on through the night until exhausted, I relinquish the bed for a walk through the house and a cup of coffee.  I have gone from a sleepy head you had to drag out of bed to an aging lady very familiar with four o'clock mornings watching the dark turn into light.  Amazed that my life could span such extremes, I am reflective, valuing my time and thankful to be alive, albeit a tad sleepy.  

I'm thinking the Lord knew I have wasted too much of my life in excessive sleep.  So, it's over.  Time to do and think and reflect and respond.  Time to experience pain which makes for more compassion for those who ache pain and misery, even of the mind.  To honor those of the golden years because of the graver appreciation of wear and tear, the slowing down of processes, both physical and mental.  To understand and commiserate with the woes of others.

As I regretfully yet forcefully  leave the comforts of my bed, I realize that the bodily discomforts of bad make way for good...as in more time to turn inwardly for assessment, evaluation of shortcomings and needful confessions, and perhaps an adjustment of attitude in acceptance of things out of my control.  I'm thinking the Lord knew I needed this...and I am thankful.