Faces of Hope

The message was clear, vibrant and full of promise.  The words were gratefully consumed to fill a hole deep within.  No matter that the voice had been heard before...because the need was too great, to fearful to not grasp at the fledgling of hope sounds and peaceable images perceived.

     ...Hope disguised.

Love came in tender moments, real or imagined, caressing and warm and light.  Too soon that same love reared an ugly head, and the blindness of one beguiled by the artifice of deceit falls face down in grief.

     ...Hope shattered.

The day was clear, bright and sunny, when the message came strongly and painfully honest, damaging and depressing the hope chords within, leaving the soul aching and tearfully demanding fairness be rectified.

     ...hope unseen.

The night skies twinkle with millions of stars, gently hinting at some greatness beyond, expanding itself visually and making smallness only where one stands.

     ...Hope awakened.

A very small-boned and very dirty, older man gathers his belongings.  He is no longer allowed to sleep on this concrete portion but must find another home to occupy.  As the steaming cup of coffee is offered in one hand and a sandwich in the other, his wizened face beams with joy for this small gift, for it will fortify him on his meanderings in a cold city.

     ...Hope has a face.

Life storms rage with disappointments aplenty.  Hardships come in all flavors and sizes and one never knows the depth until firmly planted in them.  We can choose to accept and wallow or to fight and conquer, to bury our heads in the sand or face head-on...and the choice is always there.

He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. (Revelation 3:21)

Hope is alive and well.  God takes my hopelessness, my tears, my distress, my disappointments in life, and points me to the way home where I am meant to live in complete joy for all eternity.

 ...but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.                       (1 Cor. 15:57)

...Hope is Jesus Christ.


Lord, I thank you for this hour, this day, this time in my life, whether troubled or peaceful.  I thank you for the hope only You can provide.  I love you, Lord! 

Looking for God

The swirling mist envelopes, constantly changing yet obscure at every angle. Longing for vision, for clarity, the eyes are straining but cannot see.

The dream is liquid, like waves growing large with frothy ripples on the sand. Keeping my head barely aloof, my eyes grow gritty, burning with anxiety, searching and hoping.  

With eyes failing to see and senses not detecting, my spirit grows weak.  I am alone.  

Hopelessness is death.  Not the abrupt departure but lingering and devoid of light, it is torturous.

Hanging onto the speck of light barely discernible, the soul reaches out of the pit of pity, the heart quickens and while hope tries to rebirth itself from this despair, one is cautious because this one is aware of undeserving, worthless, failing existence.  

But the light grows steady, until burning with intensity, this soul finds itself on the brink of the grave, ready to step forward with new purpose and reality. Recognizing the futility of plans dashed, admitting the limits of abilities on solid ground, this light...this hope...washes one clean, clearing the vision and cleansing the heart.

Oh, no miraculous ending of burden here, nor the absence of culpability, but the light of hope becomes faith.  Faith that carries, uplifts, calms and grows and keeps pulling us out of the pits of life.  For though we stumble, yet God is faithful to provide because He...never...leaves.   

"Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led.  But it does mean loving and knowing the one who is leading.  It is literally a life of faith.  Not of understanding and reason - a life of knowing Him who calls us to go.  A life of faith is not a life of one glorious mountaintop experience after another, but is a life of day-in and day-out consistency; a life of walking without fainting."                                                                                                                ~ Oswald Chambers 

  

Love in Absentia

First memory is your amazement that I would take candy, fruit or anything from kids passing by our gate if only I would recite Bible verses, name the apostles or books of the Bible.  Next is chastisement that I could ignore my little sister who waited patiently at the end of the block for me to get out of school.  Third was sadness but ultimate determination that my youngest sister would survive and flourish in spite of shaky beginnings.

Through rebellious teenage years, I mistakenly viewed you as old fashioned and somehow determined to ruin my joy.  Your wisdom eluded me then...and haunts me now.

Loving your children with an unquenchable thirst, I came to recognize the  determined, energetic wife and mother as one who would never desert, always encouraging and fiercely loyal.  The forever fresh memory moment of walking through your door with a young babe of my own, feeling for the first and only time of safety...turning my child over to you and sighing relief...resting completely in the ability and love of your arms. 

Did I ever tell you how grateful I was?  Did you ever know the calm and adoration you brought to my heart?

This Mother's Day, you will have been gone for 21 years, 3 months and 37 days.  You were 57...I was 41.  People often mistook us for sisters.  I miss you no less today than I did the day you were first gone.  But memories of you sustain me, and the promise I will see you again gives me hope.  Happy Mother's Day to one of the very best.  I love you, Mother!

Pesky Doubt

Praying in the morning, looking out over the green grass and fields dotted with flowers outside my windows...one of the best times of my day.  Thanking the Lord for His creation and wondering how magnificent heaven must be, longing to see it...longing to see Him...the vision brings me face to face with recounting my life...and I falter and tremble.  Words of praise begin to stutter and invading memories close up the throat and force tears. 

Doubt is a self-defeating, ingenious tool and evil uses it skillfully. 

How does one live with being forgiven?  How does one accept this ridiculously undeserving act of...well, grace?  How does one look into the face of the graceful one and not want to literally cut away the selfish, horrid, unfathomable acts of the past when you love the graceful one with every fiber of your being and can stand no more the mere thought of displeasing Him?  How does one rewrite life?

You cannot.  It's done. 

Prayer is interrupted by tears of sorrow, doubts of inferior makeup too tainted to be loved or fully forgiven.  How many times has doubt marred my moments and old fears consumed my body? 

Relinquishing my efforts in prayer and picking up the laptop instead, the first devotional email speaks of turning your mess into a message:

"God happens to be in the restoration business.  He is willing to restore and heal all who come to Him.  It doesn't matter who are you, what you've done, or what has been done to you.  God is willing and able to turn any tragedy into triumph..."

~Micca Campbell 

As I read, I am overcome with yet another message: 

The Healer of the broken
The friend to every sinner
Who knows the sorrow of each scar...

~Gwen & Sue Smith

You see, it is the scars that concern me.  How can I proclaim the goodness of Christ if my scars detract from the message?  The hardest part of living life is forgiving myself for what the Lord has already forgiven!

Another devotional message comes in:

"Recently I was thanking the Father for his mercy.  And I began listing the sins he’d forgiven.  “Remember the time I…” But I stopped.  Something was wrong.  It didn’t fit.  Does he remember?

Then I remembered.  I remembered his words in Hebrews 8:12: “And I will remember their sins no more.”  Wow!

God doesn’t just forgive, he forgets.  He erases the board.  He destroys the evidence. He burns the microfilm.  He clears the computer.  He doesn’t remember!"

~Max Lucado

Overcome with emotion, my tears are fresh with joy again!  It is always most humbling when I realize He hears my prayers!  BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY, you are never alone and His word is truth!  He will give you what you need, when you need it, and His timing is always exactly on time!  Because He loves and forgives, therefore, I will love and forgive, too.

My prayer for you and me this day and every day:

     “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul

 and with all your strength and with all your mind; and,

Love your neighbor as yourself."   Luke 20:27

Time Spent Well

It was beautifully penciled and colored, giving a very cool picture of what could be.  Visions of a well designed, colorful landscape was enticing...equal to the promise of spring on a bright, sunny day.  It would be enjoyable, pleasing to the eye, an example of what can be surveyed in God's creations.  It would also be expensive.  Biting the bullet, I signed my name.

Euphoria was short lived.  By nightfall, doubts were taking over and the urge to call and cancel was deep.  Could we afford it?  Could the money be better spend elsewhere?  Was it a smart decision?  How long would we enjoy it?  How long...?  There it was, the underlying crux I was battling without knowing. 

Seasons change and the years speed up that process, I'm sure of it.  Life takes on a cruising speed of its own, and you find yourself amazed when looking back...amazed and sometimes disappointed.  Joseph Cook, editor and writer, once summarized man's earthly life this way: "Man's life means tender teens, teachable twenties, tireless thirties, fiery forties, forceful fifties, serious sixties, sacred seventies, aching eighties, shortening breath, dead, the sod, then God."

As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more. - Psalm 103:15

Statistically, 15 to 22 remaining years is projected for me, baring any life ending diseases.  My head is still reeling!   So, too, is my husband's because I felt the need to inform him of this...his more because he is astounded I would even look this up!    My astonishment is more tuned into the age old questions of "Where did the time go?" and "What do I have to show for my life?" and "What do I need to hurry up and get accomplished before my memory is mush?" and more importantly, "Have I lived my life for Christ or myself?"

Jesus teaches us to seek first the kingdom of God, and also “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."  (Matthew 6:34).  Bottom line, the present time is the perfect time, the only time, to follow and serve God.

Missed opportunities cannot be recreated and time gone by is not retrievable.  We cannot worry about what we have done with our lives, because today, this moment, begins anew.  However many moments are left are full of promise, and all we have to do is seek Him.

So, no more worries about something as trivial as landscaping.   I have better things to do with my time.

Time Changes

Time as a noun is defined as the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues...i.e., duration.  As in, non-sleep.  Which is where I am at present.  After a particularly busy day, certainly tired enough to drop off into oblivion, how can time stand still with eyes glued to the ceiling?  How does the brain miss the timely signs of nightly rest when the remainder of this body knows full well the needed comfort of bed and sleep?

Instead, knowledge of a friend facing cancer surgery fills the mind and urgent prayers are lifted on his behalf...which brings to mind others facing surgery or treatment...more prayers offered.  The domino effect is raging now, and the mind races with urgent needs of friends, family, and friends of friends. 

So up out of the bed I go to precious time in the middle of the night, with only the ticking of a clock to match the clicking of the keyboard, to match the beating of a heart filled with love and hope for lives physically suffering and others grieving for lost loved ones.

Time stops for no one...except the Lord.  Joshua 10:13:
And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is not this written in the book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day.

So the dying continues, diseases ravage bodies, hearts and promises are broken.  But then births continue also, allowing laughter and joy to ring through our days, as love and hope tower above all else.  How comforting to know that what we experience, what we fear, what loss we bear has been foretold in words we can understand...

Ecclesiates 3:

     1 For there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

     2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
        to pluck up what is planted;
     3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
     4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
     5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
        a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
     6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
     7 a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
     8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

We have been given time on earth and not all that time is pleasant.  Our God knew of life trials we would face and has numbered our days.  I choose this new day to remember our Creator, to live my life fully with meaning and purpose.  I choose to value my time with heart-felt prayer and thankfulness.  I choose time with God.

Frustrating the Flustered

There was a snake in our pool yesterday.  I found it.  Alive.  Its presence was short lived because Terry came to the rescue and removed it with the leaf skimmer, then fed it to the birds.  It was a very young snake.  I wonder where its mother is...or siblings?

This small snake was not evil in itself, but it presented a danger to my family and an affront to my senses because it had envaded my space. 

As Terry slowly moved the skimmer toward the little fellow, he became frustrated and agitated, thrashing and squirming when he became cornered.  Wanting in the water initially, he now wanted out but not by the help of this giant with a skimmer. You see, he went where he had no business going.  Not being able to overcome his predicament, he needed help but he didn't want to pay the price. 

Each decision made calls for an action and result. Frustration often comes with the result.

Frustration for me can lead to hateful, retaliating words and then tears of dispair.  Being armed with experience and careful consideration does not guarantee acceptance and cooperation. Having been here before, at some point the reality of limitation and subsequent surrender is inevitable. What I consider being responsible and providing guidance may mean control to others. 

When lie is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don't ask questions: wait for hope to appear.  Don't run from trouble.  Take it full-face.  The "worst" is never the worst. (Lamentations 3:28-30 The Message)

With my kind husband providing the verse, I know that my efforts may seem to have been in vain, but there is a God in heaven who hears my cries and knows my every despair, indeed, my every failure.  But there is always reason to hope.  What a blessing in God's Word.