Rebellion Quenched?

"Rebellion is a method teenagers use to help them pronounce their independence and individuality."  I could have written that.  But I didn't.  Instead I lived it...off and on for far too long!  As the oldest of three girls, rebellion against chores came first, followed by the relentless admonition of "You have to be an example, not a stumbling block."  Resentment can burst forth in the tamest of individuals.

More duties fell naturally to me...older, more responsible, more reliable...who secretly seethed with indignation of the unfairness of work load and less to no expectation of help from siblings.  Oh, the self-absorbed rantings of a teenager!

Instinctively independent, living life has been inundated with constant resistance to parental authority.  While encouraging for a child to reach their potential, independence can walk a thin line with rebellion.  It is difficult for a young person to judge correctly when the lines are blurred.

Leaving home at the earliest opportunity was supposed to open my world and let myself fly!  It did just that.  But the world is full of dreadful obstacles and my flying became dangerously unstable.  Still, my rebellious senses kept telling me flee towards a life I deserved...but who was I rebelling against now?  

Who knew that years of taking lead responsibility, caring for younger siblings and constantly stepping up to the plate, would bring me to yet more years of care giving, first for my mother and then years of care for a sister and my dad.  Those previous years of preparation, though unknown to me at the time, built up strength for when my family would really need me.  While I was secretly whining about my role and wanting my family to care for me, my Lord was giving me family to care for.  I must admit to thinking at the time that life was being just a bit unfair.  Selfishness comes naturally to me also.

Was I a perfect caregiver or sister?  Not by a long shot.  I have my share of regrets. Was it a life of my dreams?  Sadly, I never thought it lived up to my "expectations."  

But the beauty of older age is looking back at how your life has been played and see how God has worked his will.  I thought I was viewing troubles, trials, and obstacles to my existance.  But God corrected my vision, showing me how He was there with me all along, giving me strength, honing my patience and growing my maturity.  He KNEW I would be needed by my family and gave me the tools to do just that.

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1:2-4

My short-sided vision could not show me the wisdom of the scripture above.  I thank the Lord, for allowing me to finally recognize that a life caring for others is the greatest calling I could have.  However, I fully expect a call from my sister shortly, and I also ask the Lord to remind me of this again, as I wait eagerly for my maturity!