The deepest hurt can follow you throughout a lifetime. Without thought or intention, you instinctively push down the hurt over and over, hoping the squashing will somehow destroy memories, will erase, will smother any emotions associated with it.
And you go on.
The years pass and the hurt is always there just waiting to surface and consume. You finally realize how that hurt, that one hurt, has affected your entire life.
Feeling inadequate, outside the circle, always desperate to fit in, to be liked...to be included...to be accepted, you put on your mask and assume an air of some kind of normal. But normal is what you are not. You left that long ago.
Reaching above yourself, you strive to accomplish a life of worth. A plastered smile on your face, you cover up the hurt done to your psyche and you try to leave it behind. But like a bite too large to swallow, your throat constricted and in pain, keeping the distasteful past tamped down gets harder and harder.
And no one knows. But God.
But trust in God had been replaced. A conviction that you've developed on your own, that the reality is you are a damaged, broken and shattered being that no one can love...no, not even God.
Perhaps a rule of life or not, something eventually triggers the deepest prison of your heart and you cannot tamp down any longer. Emotions spill out and you sob out the secret, the root of your misery...and even though you have whimpered your sadness to God many times, sharing aloud this dark part of your life is soul cleansing!
The most difficult part of sharing your past is realizing what you believed to be forgiveness on your part is in truth lacking or even false. Forgiveness is essential for letting go of the past, even if the hurt has led you down difficult and yes, sinful, life. Forgiveness for yourself, forgiveness for the one or ones who inflicted your pain and damaged your self-worth is difficult to achieve but necessary. It is in forgiveness that you can truthfully go before the Lord, believing that He is the only source of your self-worth...oh, what freedom comes with that realization!
And you go on.
The years pass and the hurt is always there just waiting to surface and consume. You finally realize how that hurt, that one hurt, has affected your entire life.
Feeling inadequate, outside the circle, always desperate to fit in, to be liked...to be included...to be accepted, you put on your mask and assume an air of some kind of normal. But normal is what you are not. You left that long ago.
Reaching above yourself, you strive to accomplish a life of worth. A plastered smile on your face, you cover up the hurt done to your psyche and you try to leave it behind. But like a bite too large to swallow, your throat constricted and in pain, keeping the distasteful past tamped down gets harder and harder.
And no one knows. But God.
But trust in God had been replaced. A conviction that you've developed on your own, that the reality is you are a damaged, broken and shattered being that no one can love...no, not even God.
Perhaps a rule of life or not, something eventually triggers the deepest prison of your heart and you cannot tamp down any longer. Emotions spill out and you sob out the secret, the root of your misery...and even though you have whimpered your sadness to God many times, sharing aloud this dark part of your life is soul cleansing!
The most difficult part of sharing your past is realizing what you believed to be forgiveness on your part is in truth lacking or even false. Forgiveness is essential for letting go of the past, even if the hurt has led you down difficult and yes, sinful, life. Forgiveness for yourself, forgiveness for the one or ones who inflicted your pain and damaged your self-worth is difficult to achieve but necessary. It is in forgiveness that you can truthfully go before the Lord, believing that He is the only source of your self-worth...oh, what freedom comes with that realization!
"God can use anyone’s situation, but He uses you to the fullest when you let go of the past.”
(Christa Bassettt; Isa. 43:18-19)
May God forgive me for not forgiving earlier, for not using my sorrow in a way to show His light, His goodness, His love, His GRACE! For not admitting to the world that I have no worth in myself, but only through Jesus Christ who makes me the worthiest person of all...being God's child!
Footnote:
An article surfaced today that stuck home and worth reading for everyone. Go to www.annvoskamp.com and search for the article entitled "When God Calls You Out of Hiding" by guest writer, Michelle DeRusha. May we all answer God's calling!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please feel free to post your views and comments here. We are all on a journey and our desire should be to help one another along. May God bless you!