The Valued Life

Tiny and fragile he was born into this world.  A complicated delivery, the incubator became his next home.  

Joyful for a life, anxious for his survival, and confusion over a prognosis, a genetic problem rose in our face and it struck with thunder...a genetic problem found only within our family, apparently only affecting the male children...and not knowing where it might end.  

Twice this strange complication/blessing came into our lives, with one's temporary existence only six weeks.

The "Why" questions, so easy to formulate in our minds, become our wall of frustration, of madness. Our loving God permits, creates and delivers this heartbreak into our lives?  Why?

Seeing the dark, the sadness, and the burden prevents the vision of compassion, love and beauty!

So difficult to see a blessing when you are entrenched in the dark!

But one small child grows, overcoming very few obstacles but every step a milestone. Never able to speak, he communicated in gestures and mumbles and a smile. His stumbling gait began at a very late age, and holding on to chairs round the dining table, he would find his spot...in the lap of his beloved granddaddy.

At age 13, "Baby Brother" breathed his last as he slept near his big sister, going where his cousin of six weeks had already found his victory over a weakened body...to run carefree in God's vast heavens!

Leaving us behind, his existence had given us joy over grief, smiles over frowns, and happiness for every moment God shared him with us.  Our lives were enriched by the brokenness of a child, the wonderment of his tiny advances, and thankfulness for precious time with an angel in disguise.

Sometimes, we cannot gauge the loss until memories are all we have. 

Celebrate!

Happy times, times of celebration should be joyous, a little noisy, right?  Right?

Clamping down a snort of laughter may be necessary at a funeral, perhaps. Although, I have been to funeral visitations that were more of a family/friend reunion, as the deceased's life was viewed so lovely with the knowledge that he/she lived again in heaven's grasp. 

The solemness and beauty of taking communion to remember our Savior is to be revered, appreciated and pondered as the greatest sacrifice this world has ever seen.  It is a time of reflection, repentance and re-commitment to a life better lived, a focus more spiritually centered.  No, no laughter there.

But watching grandchildren squeal with happiness at an opened gift, a jump in the pool, a surprise that left them giggling...their innocence and purity of thought and action can bring you to happy tears.

No question but that God gave us grandchildren to give us back the glow, the simple trust, the abandonment we left years ago.  It is no wonder that He said, 

"but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 19:14)

Or this...

"Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” (Luke 18:17)

Not for one moment can I envision these children running to Jesus with no out-stretched arms...with closed mouths, dull eyes and emotionless.  Not for one moment can I envision Jesus without the brightest smile on his shining face waiting to be embraced by these little ones.

I vow to not let another day go by without rejoicing about a Savior who has brought me from the lowest of lows, the blackest of nights, and the lowest of sins. 

I vow to give my highest and broken voice to the One who created me, molded me, protected me and forgave me.

I vow not to be ashamed to shed tears for a passionate song of praise, or a beloved scripture discerning Christ's sacrifice or the holy everlasting faithfulness of the One True God!

Clap your hands, all peoples!
    Shout to God with loud songs of joy!
2 For the Lord, the Most High, is to be feared,
    a great king over all the earth.  ~ Psalm 47:1-2

In the face of adversity, in the face of a country spiraling downward, in the face of evil thwarting the Word of God, I will remain confident...and I will not be quiet!

For This is Joy!

Have you ever looked joy right in the face?  Or do you recognize it where you are the most uncomfortable, the most reserved, in the most tentative, unsure moments of your life?  Do you look for joy?

Freedom is exhilarating, catching you unaware, and the joy creeps up from the bottom, until you are stretching your arms open wide and the heart is stretched to its limits, and you honestly don't know whether to laugh or to cry! It is at that point that the joy overflows and gratefulness is at the full, and you LOVE!  

We women...we toil, we lament, we worry, we scheme, we crave and we cave. And when the pressures mount to levels we cannot even envision, we find our spiritual selves have a life of their own and maneuver our steps toward peace, bonding, rising to the surface in order to breathe...with those we trust, love and know in our heart of hearts that we are one, we are kin, we are sisters.

To my sisters, your heart is safe with me, your dreams are cherished, your wounds are covered in prayer...your souls are beautifully adorned in God's grace, and I love you beyond measure. 

The good Lord knew we would have troubles and knew we needed family.  He gave me you!