Who, Me???

Caught off guard, the chastising was a shock to my system.  The shock lasting through my exit, the ride home brought forth feelings of being vilified, unfairly heard, and then unfortunately, resentment.  Sleepless that night, the myriad of emotions flowing through the following day ran the gamut. 

You see, I wanted the true object of their dissatisfaction to step up and take the blame, to rescue me from this perceived blemish on myself, to return to my deserved elevation! 

Enter the deceiver:  telling me to withdraw...after proclaiming my self-righteous denial to these leaders by a copiously written email perhaps...but to remove myself from duties that I have loved so much.  Spiteful, revengeful thoughts which I knew to be at the very time they appeared but unable to stop the flow.

Retreating to my Kindle and hoping to immerse myself in reading instead, I opened to this page:

"The sobering reality is that proud, unbroken Christians have done far more damage to the church of Jesus Christ than any sinners outside the church could inflict."

Pride?  Again?  Did I let myself fall to pride's prey again?  In my want to protect my own image (hardly a humble position,  right?), did I miss the very heart of the gospel and God's grace?  Was it coincidence that I was already reading a book on Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness?  I think not.  Thanking the Lord for remembering me, for knowing my needs before I did, the tears fell and His Spirit flooded my entire body.  

When you think you have learned it all, you are reminded of how little you know.  When you think you have mastered a fault, new situations may give rise to an old sin.  When you think you are invincible, invaluable and mighty, you are reminded of how much you need and depend on the Savior.  That is brokenness!

"As wax or clay must be soft and pliable in order to be molded by the artist's hands, so the broken, contrite heart is easily molded by the hand of God and does not harden itself against the circumstances God chooses to mold it."

And,

"Broken men and women have nothing to protect and nothing to lose." 

You see, a broken and contrite heart has no room for pride, bitterness, rebellion and  self-righteous indignation!  Proverbs, James and 1 Peter tell us that God resists the proud but pours grace on the humble.  

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you." (James 4:10)

I thank the Lord for His faithfulness in exposing my weaknesses, for His mercy and forgiveness when I fail, and for His promises to lift me up when I fall.  I thank Him for the leadership in the church, and I pray blessings on each one and his family.  I thank Him for reminding me when I am not being a blessing to my church family and when my self-worth comes before His truths.  I thank Him for His Spirit that has become a mirror for my soul, showing always the right path to take, the right spirit to maintain. 

Are you a proud or broken person?  Sometimes, it's hard to recognize.  I'd love to talk with you about it. Drop me a comment or email me directly at ann.annieevans@gmail.com.  And thanks for dropping by! 

Sacrifice or Reward?

I am a selfish woman, somewhat lazy and wasteful with my time.  I constantly must ask forgiveness for self-centered thoughts and words.  I would rather be reading a good book than finishing chores.  I would rather ride than walk, sit than stand, float than swim...you get the picture.

Having been gone for a week, there is a car to unload, suitcases to unpack, and stuff to return to its rightful place.  Yet, I sit here reminising and recalling words from this past week that made such an impression on me.  Snippits of lectures and conversation drift through my head, taken from people who have dedicated themselves to learning and the ability to enrich others with the Word.

Attending the Christian Training Series at Freed Hardeman University is a precious week for me.  Being able to serve others by working in it may be the sacrifice, but the reward far surpasses any effort put forth on my part.  I am in awe of the number of talents displayed at CTS, how so many speakers can inspire me to better thoughts, actions and endurance, leaving me with a desire to learn more of spiritual things, learning to serve in better ways, learning to share the love of God to everyone I come in contact with.

I watched a couple work tirelessly for the success of CTS, living on little sleep but always with a smile on their faces.  I thank God for Sam and Phyllis Hester.

I watched other staff helping, serving, working on behalf of others.  I thank God for their tireless devotion and loving spirits.

I watched as a sister in Christ spoke of her loving dad, dying of cancer, who would not let her stay home to help him but urged her to attend the series he loved, knowing her spirit would be renewed and knowing his spirit faced a safe haven with the Lord.  I thank God for Mary Ann, her family, her dad Sammy.

I watched and heard voices raised to God in song day after day, blending in harmony so pleasant and encouraging to the ears.  I thank God for the ability to praise Him in song.

We all have a choice.  We make them every day.  We choose where we want to go, what we do, what we say.  You can choose to spend your time and efforts in entertainment, comfort and vanity.  Or you can choose to immerse yourself in the atmosphere of love, praise, the Word, the blessings that abundantly abound from the fellowship of your Christian brothers and sisters. 

I thank God for CTS, Christian Training Series at Freed Hardeman.  You should, too.