Feeling Adrift But Still Tethered

Time.  Effort.  Energy.  Accomplishment.  Beneficial?  Constructive?

I have an on-going debate in my head.  I go through motions and wonder if I have a heathy balance or distorted sense of importance.  I miss continuity, the pleasure of sameness, the pleasure of being and of belonging.  I ache for the day of spiritual purpose as my heart and mind seeks the will of God through prayer and watchfulness.  I feel somewhat adrift.

Setting your house in order after a move is essential but robs you of precious time, energy and good humor.  Don't get me wrong, I am no different from you, and my desire to have a presentable home is my goal where my family and friends can gather and feel comfortable.  But where do I draw the line in the importance of "presentable" before it becomes too much a "focus in myself."  Where do I draw the line in taking pleasure in material things and items of comfort for myself and my husband?  How do I know when ordinary care becomes an obsession?

I think I know.

When I have nagging, persistent thoughts that I am neglecting my spiritual soul, that my time usually spent in Bible study is decreasing instead of increasing, that I am craving the fellowship of my sisters in Christ...then I KNOW I am focusing too much on the world and not enough on my Lord.  Hurried prayers are sometimes essential, but are not a substitute for devoted, thankful, concentrated, and yes, even gut-wrenching pleas of direction and guidance.

“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up." (1 Cor. 10:23)  Yes, Paul, I see what you mean.  Setting up my home is good and necessary, and even my duty as a wife.  I want my husband to be content in his home, and I know my efforts are to reflect God's glory...whoa, what?  To the glory of God!  "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."  (Col. 3:17) 

What a blessing to be able to go the Word and instantly be edified and comforted!  To know that our God sees my internal struggles and provides for me while I'm not looking!  Just as I know this home will eventually be "done" and the moving completed, He will provide the church family that I yearn for here, for the sweet sisters waiting on a new relationship, for new doors to open and for opportunity to grow in His spirit. 

With tears stinging my eyes at the thought of God's love and compassion...on me of all people...as the sun rises through the windows of this room, I am renewed with hope.  I can balance my life...purpose will return...as whatever I do, in word or deed, I do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, and give thanks to God the Father through Him!