The memories keep flooding my mind, making me smile, making me laugh.

From early on, being my friend and providing space to grow my business...later, moving me to the library when he needed his space back! 😃

Remembering the many hours of testimony taken in legal cases and the amazing extent of his knowledge and expertise.

Remembering how he introduced me to snow skiing in the Rocky Mountains.  Remembering after two days of ski school, he took me to the top of the mountain, assuring me that the treacherous slopes we were passing as we rode the ski lift were NOT the slopes we would ski down.  (Duh!! Only one way down!)

Beware the polished skier who finds humor in seeing you crash and burn!

Remembering countless nights of dinner or simply an impromptu visit, when he would leave his wife, my friend, to stay and talk far into the night.  He knew she was in good hands.

Remembering him buying a new car and later driving it to the highest hill to listen to music blaring from the new speakers.  Or better yet, years before, driving up in a van...with music blaring from the speakers!  Apartment neighbors aside, it was fun for me! 😉

Tom enjoyed life!

Remembering a blazing fireplace in a restaurant in Colorado and listening to Tom recite the history of Steamboat Springs.  Tom's humor was never so evident as when he ad-libbed a hysterical list of events flowing endlessly from that brainy brain!

The memories are endless.  I cannot do him justice.  I love you, Tom Hardin, and may God hold you close!

Thomas Wesley Hardin

October 3, 1944 - December 11, 2016

 

  

Power in Me

There are churning waves of fire in the deepest parts, angrily pushing upward to its freedom.  It cannot be denied, nor can it be quenched.  The eruption is dramatic, full of fury and power, and the sheer magnitude of its force is agonizingly beautiful, powerful...and dreadful.

The tulip root, having been secured in its depth, now pushes upward, producing a burst of color and delicacy in its petals, and the result is beautiful and calming, easy on the eyes.

Two forces, two results, and the mystery of both are equal but with opposite influence...one producing fear and the other peace.

Rumblings and rumors of war appear again on the horizon, this time with higher capacity to kill and destroy.  Fear raises its head and bellows its power!

Political backlash and demoralizing chatter fill our ears and sight as all media are consumed with the power of influence.  Our own leaders battle, and hateful division consumes social media.  Misplaced power corrodes the simple but embellishes the wicked. 

"It brings out the untraveled circumstances which no one has experienced before and no one knows the outcome." ~ T. Brewer

The divide among races seem to loom large again, the breach wider and just as painful, just as ugly.  The power of injustice wields a flogging that reaches beyond the victim, eventually bringing the inequity home.    

Hatred is powerful.

Hatred is fear.

And we, the children of God stand in the middle of chaos and why do we fear?

What if we stopped envisioning color, or lack thereof, but filled our sight with a valuable, lovable soul created and loved by the Lord?  The power would then be God's.

What if we used reasoning, supported by love, to discuss calmly differences and beliefs?  What if we honestly cared about others?

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.  And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.  God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.  ~ 2 Cor. 2:23-26

What if we lived and spoke what we believe, with faith strong and secure, loving our neighbor as ourselves, letting the Word be our whole being, our ultimate power?

What if we loved like God loves?

Oh, then the Power would be in me! 

Unlovable

The deepest hurt can follow you throughout a lifetime.  Without thought or intention, you instinctively push down the hurt over and over, hoping the squashing will somehow destroy memories, will erase, will smother any emotions associated with it.

And you go on.

The years pass and the hurt is always there just waiting to surface and consume.  You finally realize how that hurt, that one hurt, has affected your entire life.  

Feeling inadequate, outside the circle, always desperate to fit in, to be liked...to be included...to be accepted, you put on your mask and assume an air of some kind of normal.  But normal is what you are not.  You left that long ago.

Reaching above yourself, you strive to accomplish a life of worth.  A plastered smile on your face, you cover up the hurt done to your psyche and you try to leave it behind.  But like a bite too large to swallow, your throat constricted and in pain, keeping the distasteful past tamped down gets harder and harder.

And no one knows.  But God.

But trust in God had been replaced.  A conviction that you've developed on your own, that the reality is you are a damaged, broken and shattered being that no one can love...no, not even God.

Perhaps a rule of life or not, something eventually triggers the deepest prison of your heart and you cannot tamp down any longer.  Emotions spill out and you sob out the secret, the root of your misery...and even though you have whimpered your sadness to God many times, sharing aloud this dark part of your life is soul cleansing!

The most difficult part of sharing your past is realizing what you believed to be forgiveness on your part is in truth lacking or even false.  Forgiveness is essential for letting go of the past, even if the hurt has led you down difficult and yes, sinful, life.  Forgiveness for yourself, forgiveness for the one or ones who inflicted your pain and damaged your self-worth is difficult to achieve but necessary.  It is in forgiveness that you can truthfully go before the Lord, believing that He is the only source of your self-worth...oh, what freedom comes with that realization!

"God can use anyone’s situation, but He uses you to the fullest when you let go of the past.”

(Christa Bassettt; Isa. 43:18-19)

May God forgive me for not forgiving earlier, for not using my sorrow in a way to show His light, His goodness, His love, His GRACE!  For not admitting to the world that I have no worth in myself, but only through Jesus Christ who makes me the worthiest person of all...being God's child!

Footnote:

An article surfaced today that stuck home and worth reading for everyone.  Go to www.annvoskamp.com and search for the article entitled "When God Calls You Out of Hiding" by  guest writer, Michelle DeRusha.  May we all answer God's calling!

The Cross Unto Resurrection

Witnessing the event was sickening, unbelievable and devastating.  Never once did we conceive of the idea he would be killed...suffering a horrendous death and then buried in a tomb not even his own.

    The hours dragged by, and some of us fled because we could bear it no more.  Watching the sweat and blood pour from his body, crying out for relief from His Father.  He was to be King, our Deliverer.  And it has come to this?

    And then his words echoed in our ears:

“And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matt. 10:38-39)

    His cross?  This cross?  The one before us set between two criminals, the wooden beast made of humiliation and shame?  My Lord, don’t you know I love you?  Is it necessary that I die for you?  My Lord, do you ask too much of me?

    And then came that terrifying moment when “Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit.”
    Hope was gone.  All was lost.  And the longest night of our lives had begun.
  
    Our bewilderment came the next morning, when the women found his borrowed tomb empty!  And later, witnessing Jesus Himself walking, talking, eating and showing the wounds on his hands and side!
    Once again, His words returned,

    “From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised.” (Matt. 16:21)

    Oh, my Lord, how did we not understand?  We...no!  I was too concerned about setting up your kingdom and how it should be!  I wondered where I would stand, where I would sit when you took your rightful throne of power.

    Oh, yes, I heard your words, yet did not understand.  I witnessed, yet did not know.  When I could finally fit the pieces together, I grieved for your presence; I sobbed for another chance to sit at your feet to listen and learn.



    Forgive my doubting, my Lord, forgive my selfishness and my fears.  Know, Lord, that I will follow you even unto death.  I will praise your name, I will proclaim your sacrifice and salvation, and I will not rest until I have done your will.  I will take your cross, Lord, and bear it gladly.  For you are my savior, my redeemer, the holy lamb of God!

Too Much My Way

Freedom - a word conveying lightness of load, but carrying much responsibility.

A domesticated bird lives safely within the confines of its cage, but the desire to soar soundlessly and weightless on the waves of the wind are ever present.

The freedom of choices we make, the words we utter, the actions we take are never self-contained, but rather reach out to those around us and settle in places maybe never forseen.

Freedom is precious and worth defending, but taken within the realm of my brothers and sisters, my freedom may be harmful to yours.

Therefore, I am free to voice my opinion, but not to habitually bind it on another.  

I am free to believe or disbelieve, but not to harass another to make my point.

I am free to loosen the hold CONTROL has over my heart...instead listening with compassion and reacting in love.

I am free to live life joyfully, unashamed of my faith - yet knowing every moment holds learning experiences - keeping my mind full of God's promises to lead and convict, with humility and an eagerness to admit my faults and transgressions.

Freedom is worth nothing unless Christ is in it and in me.  May we always act, react, and engage each other within the definition of freedom that Jesus spoke. 

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”  Gal. 5:13-14

Knowing My Commitment

As a child, I had no idea my responsibilities as part of the family, but that came with time and age, parental teaching, doing and learning.

As a twelve year old, giving my life to Christ seemed effortless.  Commitment was a word known and the meaning recited but not tested.

As a teen, commitment to my family was clouded with self-serving ideas and entitlement.  Commitment was confused.

As a young married, struggling to commit to a husband waged battle over the separation from parents and siblings.  Commitment was threatened.

As a young mother, the love and devotion to a daughter seemed easy, but the struggle to make wise decisions sometimes frightening.  But commitment took first place even at the expense of self.

As a grandmother, the commitment to grandchildren is more joy than responsibility, more happy than sad, and more valuable than life.


As a caregiver, commitment takes on a greater role, more demanding and relentless, tiring and oftentimes dispiriting.

Each phase takes on more awareness, more learning, more commitment than the one before.    

The value of life and the wonder of the Creator of life grow with each passing year, transcending through each change as this life matures and reflects.  

The Word I read, the Word I hear...even the Word I doubt...produces change in attitude, in belief, in action, and in...commitment. 

Father God, as I commit myself to your power and mighty hand, guide me through the days of change and allow Your Glory to shine through the good and the bad.  Give us all strength for the day, and may we ever see the path You set before us.  I am thankful you hear my prayer, through the holy name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

 

Depths of Love

Startling, those big eyes wide and just inches from my face.  His lips were speaking to me but the mind was busily whisking me away along memories of a young boy's days of giggles and kisses and unabashed love for his grandmother.

Of fishing with plastic fish...for hours and hours!


Of an early and steadfast love for trains and all that pertain, where the distant view of a railroad trestle as we traveled would send him to unearthly degrees of joy and anticipation.


Of questions and discussions sacred to grandparents alone, feeling the gravity and responsibility of being the object of such affection.

But those eyes staring deep into mine...and I am lost in the blessedness of belonging, of loving, of being in the presence of such a one as this.

Oh, Father, I plead with you to keep this budding 13 year old in the safety of your arms, equipping him with compassion for others and a deep, abiding love for you always.  Help me as I strive to be an example for him and all my grandchildren, to teach the depths of your love for us all.