All Is Well

With fog heavy with morning, the sun steadily attempts to break through, revealing shapes in the distance.  The sun will not shirk its duty but believing in its destination and purpose, will burn through, the fog will lift until day is fully born.

My sins, my worries, my doubts and my guilt are in that fog.  They are rising, dissipating and lifting up to the heavens, and I find joy, peace and contentment.  James is my book of choice this morning:

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himsef, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.  But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgeting what he has heard, but doing it- he will be blessed in what he does. James 1:23-25

How easily to be led down a dark alley by words of condemnation, with pursuing guilt stepping on your heels.  How vain and evil the preachings of men who do not walk in truth.  How wonderful the gift of Word and the ability to study to show yourself approved!

There is no one, no thing, no thought or word that can keep one from knowing God and being known by Him.   Earnest searching and prayer for wisdom and understanding brings forth a contrite heart, Godly sorrow, the request of forgiveness, and the power of faith in Him, heralding a joy in the morning with renewed vigor to work for Him.

No doubt there will be other valleys to walk through during my journey, but rejoicing will surely arrive.  Time spent in the Word gives hope to the hopeless, joy to the joyless, and strength to the weak.  My weaknesses may be many, but time in weakness brings me and my burdens to lay at His feet, and faith is replenished with joy and contentment.

Sometimes life seems hard to bear

Full of sorrow, trouble and woe.

It's then I have to remember...

That it's in the valleys I grow.

Lord, may I never stop growing in your truths, your love and your promises.  May my life's path be the one you have choosen for me, and may I learn from my valleys as I lean on you.  May I never be content to rely upon man's judgment, but forever seek you and love you with all my heart, all my soul, all my strength and all my mind.

Keep on Seeking

Day of gentle, falling rain turns gray, without definition or warmth.  Introspection settles in, of questions unanswered and anguish gone unabated.  The toil of study, search and the yearning for truth exhausts and discourages.  Oh, for a neatly written, concise and precise instruction to float from the sky and deliver into upturned hand. 

To give up is not an option, because the desire to please Him is strong and vital.  The search for truth is never ending, because maturity brings beauty and ugliness to light, and a deeper knowledge brings more responsibility and constant change.

Another jewel pops in my email, and again I am amazed at His timing, His constant encouragement, and by the startling knowledge that He knows me, hears me, and loves me.

"The great and mighty things that God wants to show you are often the

answers to prayers that you have prayed. Keep on asking, keep on seeking, keep on knocking—answers will come, doors will be opened, promises will be fulfilled." - Roy Lessin



Are They Real?

Silhouettes are almost always peaceful, delineating but not challenging.  Crisp, black and white forms with no blemishes, nothing harsh but pleading in its simplicity.  Flat surface.  No depth.  Featureless.

 

The word silhouette comes from the name of Louis XV's finance minister, Etienne de Silhouette. The wealthy blamed Silhouette for the taxes and fees placed upon them because of the financial difficulties caused by the Seven Years' War. Silhouette enjoyed making cut paper profile portraits, and he spent his retirement years decorating his home with them. These portraits soon became associated with his name.

Watching the sun set from my window, the light fading degree by degree, my view was that of rolling hills with the silhouette of cattle continuing their monotonous munching of grass.  I likened it to that scene in Gone With the Wind where Rhett and Scarlett are fleeing the burning city of Atlanta.  Yes, I know, the creatures were different but the silhouettes were no less riveting.

Reaching the grand age of 62, I find I do not want to be a silhouette.  I have blemishes and harsh edges and a past and a life and guilt and a love that I do not want to keep in shadow. 

I have a creator who loves me in spite of the above...maybe because of the above.  I have a purpose and God has a plan.  I cannot stay in shadow but I must open myself up to be glared upon, talked about and accepted or rejected.  I will not be painted into silhouette but will rejoice in color and full bloom.  I will work for Him.



Looking back...

Little houses side by side...row houses.  Acres and acres of white cotton with dots of black at plant height.  Loving  mammies...seemingly faithful, dependable and cherished...from a child's point of view. 

Fast forward to children playing together, white and black, my child and possibly yours.  Feelings of maturity, honestly, kindness, understanding and fairness permeate my efforts at raising my child.  Then comes the swimming pool.  And the request to swim with my child.  The head reels, the throat restricts, the bumbling excuse escapes my lips and even as I hear the sounds aloud, I am filled with self-loathing and shame.   

Fast forward 30 years.  I am secretly stunned at the cowardice staining the whiteness of this cloak I wear, this shield of Christianity that keeps me from allowing any prejudice to taint my treatment of others.

My self-ascribed notion of fairness fared poorly in the face of reality, primarily because although it was built on Biblical instruction, it was warped by man's interpretation of how and when to apply. 

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female,

 for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  (Gal. 3:28 ESV)

Racism is learned behaviour, revealing a prideful spirit that dares to judge God of errant creation, of giving lie to scripture.  Debated and thrashed and thought to be buried in our history, careful observation reveals it to be the silent conviction ready to color our thoughts and receptors to lending a hand. 

How can we honestly support world missions and not be open to local racial and ethnic groups?   To love one another means looking past physical and mental  attributes and loving a soul created by our Lord.  It was not God's command that we go into the world and change all culture into one, but to teach each and every one the Word of God.   

I can say that now.  I could have said it then.  But when faced directly, I bowed out.  While not possible to re-do that day, I am deeply remorseful that I turned that child away because I was afraid of what people might say...of how my own child might be perceived.   

Having just finished reading "The Help", one sentence stands out:  "These is white rules.  I don't know which ones you following and which ones you ain't." 

I don't want to follow rules...I just want to follow my heart...as long as it is the heart of Christ.  If I do, only love will follow and there will be no room for prejudice.

A Change of Direction

I was rethinking my answer.  I wanted a second chance to defend myself, my faith.  Did I slough off because it was easier?  Was it "too complicated" to get into just that moment? 

The stronger you think you are, the weaker you become.

In my continuing effort to rely not on another's opinion, but to study to show myself approved, I find myself researching man's interpretation still.  Why?  A book written in a language not my own brings me to "their" table, "their"  level of integrity, ability...faith.  Prayers of understanding, discernment and guidance go unheeded...it seems. 

Searching for truth.  Time spent fruitfully.

In the midst of online research, a posting in Facebook draws my attention.  "The true test of faith is to forgive someone who is not sorry!"  It pulls me away from diligent search and brings me to my knees with repenting heart.  Connected?  Surely.  The one thing I spend time on may be overshadowed by the true need of my soul.  Being "right" isn't always preeminent - forgiveness is.

Forgiveness doesn't always benefit the one to whom it it given; rather it is the ultimate in peace and tranquility from knowing the forgiveness you give is a shadow only of the grace from God. 

Frustrating the Flustered

There was a snake in our pool yesterday.  I found it.  Alive.  Its presence was short lived because Terry came to the rescue and removed it with the leaf skimmer, then fed it to the birds.  It was a very young snake.  I wonder where its mother is...or siblings?

This small snake was not evil in itself, but it presented a danger to my family and an affront to my senses because it had envaded my space. 

As Terry slowly moved the skimmer toward the little fellow, he became frustrated and agitated, thrashing and squirming when he became cornered.  Wanting in the water initially, he now wanted out but not by the help of this giant with a skimmer. You see, he went where he had no business going.  Not being able to overcome his predicament, he needed help but he didn't want to pay the price. 

Each decision made calls for an action and result. Frustration often comes with the result.

Frustration for me can lead to hateful, retaliating words and then tears of dispair.  Being armed with experience and careful consideration does not guarantee acceptance and cooperation. Having been here before, at some point the reality of limitation and subsequent surrender is inevitable. What I consider being responsible and providing guidance may mean control to others. 

When lie is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don't ask questions: wait for hope to appear.  Don't run from trouble.  Take it full-face.  The "worst" is never the worst. (Lamentations 3:28-30 The Message)

With my kind husband providing the verse, I know that my efforts may seem to have been in vain, but there is a God in heaven who hears my cries and knows my every despair, indeed, my every failure.  But there is always reason to hope.  What a blessing in God's Word.

  

Stillness

There is a stillness in early mornings that speak to the soul.  Mists lifting from the grasses on rolling fields and yard where deer graze peacefully and quietly.  When birds still nestle with heads tucked, not ready to lift their songs to the world.  When the sun has not succeeded in piercing its rays of light for a sunny welcome to the day, yet the glow is spreading rapidly in the East.  When the only sounds in this house are the clock ticking in the kitchen, and the soft meow of the cats wanting their first morsels of the day.

How blessed to have this view, this moment, this hour of quietness to speak to my Lord, to marvel at His scriptures, to pray in thankfulness for my blessings and to ask Him to bless others.  My heart is full, over-flowing.  I am blessed.