May Your Day Be Full of Thorns

With Thanksgiving Day coming up, I'd like to share a story with you.  Please pass it along to someone you know can benefit from the message.

Thanksgiving Roses

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind.

Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss. Troubles had multiplied. Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit. THEN! Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer.

"She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder. "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life, but took her child's?"

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk.

"I....I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra. "For Thanksgiving? Do you want the beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the 'Thanksgiving Special'? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?" "Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong." Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer, "Hi, Barbara...let me get your order."

She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped: there were no flowers. "Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk. Sandra watched for the customer's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers? She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed. "Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again." She said, as she gently tapped her chest. Sandra stammered, "Ahh, that lady just left with, uh....she left with no flowers!" "That's right, said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the 'Special'. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet." "Oh, come on! You can't tell me someone is willing to pay for that!" exclaimed Sandra. "Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do, today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery." "That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel." "So what did you do?" asked Sandra.

"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I NEVER questioned Him why those GOOD things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, "WHY? WHY Me?!" It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about the thought that her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is, I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God." Just then someone else walked in the shop. "Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man. "My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement...twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.

"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?" "No...I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem. The Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny, here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us.

As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!" "I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life." Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too...fresh."

"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns." Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out. "I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?" "Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."

The card read: My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."

Praise Him for the roses, thank Him for the thorns.

Who, Me???

Caught off guard, the chastising was a shock to my system.  The shock lasting through my exit, the ride home brought forth feelings of being vilified, unfairly heard, and then unfortunately, resentment.  Sleepless that night, the myriad of emotions flowing through the following day ran the gamut. 

You see, I wanted the true object of their dissatisfaction to step up and take the blame, to rescue me from this perceived blemish on myself, to return to my deserved elevation! 

Enter the deceiver:  telling me to withdraw...after proclaiming my self-righteous denial to these leaders by a copiously written email perhaps...but to remove myself from duties that I have loved so much.  Spiteful, revengeful thoughts which I knew to be at the very time they appeared but unable to stop the flow.

Retreating to my Kindle and hoping to immerse myself in reading instead, I opened to this page:

"The sobering reality is that proud, unbroken Christians have done far more damage to the church of Jesus Christ than any sinners outside the church could inflict."

Pride?  Again?  Did I let myself fall to pride's prey again?  In my want to protect my own image (hardly a humble position,  right?), did I miss the very heart of the gospel and God's grace?  Was it coincidence that I was already reading a book on Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness?  I think not.  Thanking the Lord for remembering me, for knowing my needs before I did, the tears fell and His Spirit flooded my entire body.  

When you think you have learned it all, you are reminded of how little you know.  When you think you have mastered a fault, new situations may give rise to an old sin.  When you think you are invincible, invaluable and mighty, you are reminded of how much you need and depend on the Savior.  That is brokenness!

"As wax or clay must be soft and pliable in order to be molded by the artist's hands, so the broken, contrite heart is easily molded by the hand of God and does not harden itself against the circumstances God chooses to mold it."

And,

"Broken men and women have nothing to protect and nothing to lose." 

You see, a broken and contrite heart has no room for pride, bitterness, rebellion and  self-righteous indignation!  Proverbs, James and 1 Peter tell us that God resists the proud but pours grace on the humble.  

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you." (James 4:10)

I thank the Lord for His faithfulness in exposing my weaknesses, for His mercy and forgiveness when I fail, and for His promises to lift me up when I fall.  I thank Him for the leadership in the church, and I pray blessings on each one and his family.  I thank Him for reminding me when I am not being a blessing to my church family and when my self-worth comes before His truths.  I thank Him for His Spirit that has become a mirror for my soul, showing always the right path to take, the right spirit to maintain. 

Are you a proud or broken person?  Sometimes, it's hard to recognize.  I'd love to talk with you about it. Drop me a comment or email me directly at ann.annieevans@gmail.com.  And thanks for dropping by! 

From Dark to Light

Early Morning Riser is a term never applied to myself.  Loving the sound of it and appreciating it in others, the value itself has not held the allure for me to rise up and leave that comfy bed.  Memories of late mornings, especially Saturdays when the kids were elsewhere, are distant now.  Gone is the luxury of lazy stretching, contemplating, and the slow assent into mornings.

Lamenting my loss of leisure and berating Mr. Arthritis, the recent thorn in my flesh, a beautiful and treasured awareness has taken place over the past year.  The darkness that greets me outside this sunroom embraces me like a cocoon.   The house remains quiet with only the sound of Mother's pendulum clock breaking through my consciousness, and with that, too, receding rapidly.

Reaching for my laptop and catching up on the last night's events keep me occupied, along with that first cup of coffee, of course.  

Then it catches my attention...that first awakening of the tiniest bit of light.  Changing imperceptively, I realize God is slowly starting my day.  No birds yet pierce the air with their talk, no movement even in the cattle next door.  A peacefulness invades my world, and I am oh, so content! 

The earlier darkness had clothed me in assurance, but wasn't it because of my stable position indoors?  If the darkness has surrounded me in the middle of a field, wouldn't the effect be certainly one of unprotected, insecure and endangered?  Does the walled and windowed sunroom dispel the illusion of safety?  Because I desire to believe in the safety of my own home, I push away any thought of invasion of privacy or intrusion.

How easily one can believe and trust in one's feelings and justifications...to rely on self-worth, pride and self-indulgence.

Since the beginning, man has desired and pursued a god-like appearance, intelligence and power. Believing himself to be superior in intellect, too many have scoffed at any notion of a supreme being and savior of the world.  Belittling and scorning the "peasant" style faith, theories and hypothesis become their truths, likening themselves to the truly enlightened.

Sad that the efforts of these intelligent individuals were not directed at espousing the Bible truths, that the "light" in enlightened refers to the blazing love, truth, passion, and totally devoted savior of our entire world!  

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”                              John 8:12 (NIV)

The darkness in these early morning hours has become familiar to me now.  I am not afraid.  Not because I have come to trust the dark, but to embrace the light!  Thank you, Lord, for the blessings of each new day, for the increased awareness of your deity, your sovereignty, your sacrifice, your love and graciousness.  Thank you for my sight of your lightness and in my words and actions, may I always reflect your glory!

Faith in Decisions

It took me some time to appreciate the dark color…very trendy, more practical for sure.  The newness was the allure.  I like new.  It may be one of my greatest weaknesses…a new car.  I actually get restless every four years or so and begin noticing styles as I drive, my appetite growing.  And then the justification begins.

Need can be honest but also misunderstood.  What is luxury to one may be essential to another.   Yearning to be satisfied with need, but drawn by the want, the pros and cons begin listing.  Yes, I bought my last vehicle on want…sporty, fast, zippy, fun.   Never mind that the back seat exists but not functional for most adults.  Never mind that the trunk storage is cute but holds…well, not much!  Never mind that my husband cannot comfortably drive it, but then he has that big SUV, doesn’t he?

So, the hunt begins for a more practical, sharable vehicle for the two of us…another SUV.  And the perks of new electronics, more buttons and whistles call my name.  Spending endless time researching online, visiting and driving vehicles, talking and considering and driving and talking.  My husband supporting me in whatever I choose, my mind reeling from stats and reviews, I realize that my reluctance to make a decision may be coming from a different source.

The selfishness of want is astounding and certainly does not mesh with my spiritual growth.  It staggers me to realize how selfish I can still sometimes be, how quickly I attempt to take control of my life without consulting the only One who is in control!

With relief, I voiced my decision last night to not pursue a trade at this time.  My loving husband accepted it without question, ready to go or stay with whatever decision I made.  I need to take this moment, again, to thank the Lord for the many blessings in Terry…as my husband, as my friend, as a man who truly loves me as himself.

I began my morning not fretting over car reviews, prices and perks, and what a relief it was!  Actually happy that I could devote my day to our new church website, the load from my shoulders was real and refreshing.   Reading a devotional this morning, the reference to this verse spoke volumes:

...For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.   Romans 14:23 (ESV)  

Selfishness can be portrayed in many ways…in wants versus needs, in an unhealthy desire to be right, but it can never be active in faith.  My faith tells me when my desires are centered far away from the life God wants me to live.  His Spirit prompts me to remember who has called me and what His purpose is for me. 

The uncertainty of the wisdom in my quest, the concern of burdening us with another expense, the knowledge of past mistakes, wondering if the funds spent here would alter what benevolence we might do in the future…the fact of not even considering God’s will for my life…all these thoughts going round my head ended in a decision that sits well with me today.

Will that decision remain?  Will an exceptional deal be offered to us later on?  Will our needs change and call for another consideration?   Only God knows.  But if that situation arises, I am confident that my first thoughts will be what He wants for my life and not my own vain desires.

Too Proud Not to Tell

Intelligent, capable, self-assured, with a healthy dose of humor and humongus heart...these are the qualities that attracted me first.  Laughter has saturated our days and lightened my heart on many occasions.  A great teacher, always patient when I hard-headedly cling to my self-defeating purposes, he is my rock, my best friend.

Following his lead has taken me over roads I would not have traveled on my own, adventures better left to the adventurers!  He has brought me out of my shell, nourished and gently prodded me to take a risk and enjoy the ride.

But never have I loved him more than today, love the man he has become in God's church!  I watched and listened as he spoke kind, loving words to a grieving family, words of encouragement and hope of a completely trustworthy Lord, celebrating the life of a man he knew not well, but loving him and his family he spoke from his heart.

His faith encourages me.  His growth encourages me.  His teaching inspires me to greater knowledge of God's Word.  His love for me envelopes and protects, but it is his love of the Lord that fills my heart.  Thank you, Lord, for this husband, friend and lover of You!

Mess-upper!

"Failure" must come early in a child's life.  Learning to do so many things necessarily means failure occurs often, but the urge to succeed is great and failures become a part of life.  Normal.  Expected.  Accepted.

Then childhood is left behind and the young adult is expected to blossom and thrive...leaving failures in the past as the urge to excel, impress and surpass takes on a life of its own.  Failing ceases to be a learning experience, but something to hide, deny and cover up.  Shameful.

Disappointing my dad was conflicting as I struggled to maintain my independence...making mistake after mistake after mistake.  Admitting error to a parent at any age, knowing the heartache you brought them, is humilating at best.  But there is no eraser of life, no magic to make mistakes disappear, no time to rectify.

Mess-upper was a nickname I cared not for.  But heard enough, the image sticks, looming above my head at every turn.  As a mother raising her child with no experience, a wife trying to please her husband, as an employee striving for perfection, a friend trying to keep the peace...as a servant trying to please God, the fear of failing can immobilize oneself into believing any effort is thwarted before it's begun!

The fear of failure becomes part of your breath, tainting efforts as it resides in the recesses of your mind, drawing you away from new opportunities before they've begun.  How to justify my failures...how to lose this mess-upper stigma from the fragile skin of my soul? 

"Perhaps the hardest lesson we learn from failure is that we aren't as great as we thought we were." (Warren Wiersbe)   Ahhh, there it is!  Pride, and injured at that, can demolish the strongest of desires, the meekest of intentions, and  the sincere attitude of gratitude disintegrates.  The cloak of perfection slips and reality stands tall.

Peter was a failure.  He failed Christ at least three times.  He suffered the agony of his Lord predicting and witnessing his failure.

 And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.  (Luke 22:61-62 ESV)

Can you even imagine the horror and shamefulness that must have enveloped Peter as he watched the Lord being tortured and crucified within those next couple of days, the dispair he must have felt?  Yet Christ appeared to him after his resurrection, giving him the command to "feed his sheep."  He trusted him to spread His gospel and entrusted lives to Peter's undeniable love of Christ to prevail.  It became not about Peter but only about Christ.

Failures may still stalk my path, but somewhere the Lord is working them for good.  It is no longer about me being a mess-upper, it is Christ working in me to deny myself at all.  I am freed from failure.

"Failing is not a disgrace unless you make it the last chapter of your book." 
- Jack Hyles

Love in Absentia

First memory is your amazement that I would take candy, fruit or anything from kids passing by our gate if only I would recite Bible verses, name the apostles or books of the Bible.  Next is chastisement that I could ignore my little sister who waited patiently at the end of the block for me to get out of school.  Third was sadness but ultimate determination that my youngest sister would survive and flourish in spite of shaky beginnings.

Through rebellious teenage years, I mistakenly viewed you as old fashioned and somehow determined to ruin my joy.  Your wisdom eluded me then...and haunts me now.

Loving your children with an unquenchable thirst, I came to recognize the  determined, energetic wife and mother as one who would never desert, always encouraging and fiercely loyal.  The forever fresh memory moment of walking through your door with a young babe of my own, feeling for the first and only time of safety...turning my child over to you and sighing relief...resting completely in the ability and love of your arms. 

Did I ever tell you how grateful I was?  Did you ever know the calm and adoration you brought to my heart?

This Mother's Day, you will have been gone for 21 years, 3 months and 37 days.  You were 57...I was 41.  People often mistook us for sisters.  I miss you no less today than I did the day you were first gone.  But memories of you sustain me, and the promise I will see you again gives me hope.  Happy Mother's Day to one of the very best.  I love you, Mother!